Wendy Lurrie's blog

Delta sucks

2010-06-26T07:21:00.003-04:00

Awful experience Thursday night. Our evening flight was inexplicably delayed, then delayed again and again. No information, of course. We finally boarded for what was now a 7:40 flight and sat on the runway for hours. And by"we" I mean the 11 passengers and small crew. After a long time with no information the captain announced that there was a minor mechanical problem, but not to worry -- it was a quick fix. He actually said it would be 5 minutes. A half hour went by. THen he announced he'd be essentially rebooting the entire plane, and that was sure to work. It didn't. This went on and on, with t-shirt-clad maintenance guys coming up the stairs and into the cockpit, shaking their heads and doing whatever they did but with absolutely zero result. By now hours had gone by. Finally finally finally they said that this plane was going out of service but good news! They had another aircraft, and a bus would take us there. And we waited. No bus. The next bit of news was that we were to disembark and agents would redirect us. No agents had any idea what we were talking about. We wandered the airport, ran into another lost soul and the three of us asked various gate agents, customer service reps, anyone (I was about to ask a maintenance guy) where our plane was. We were all told that that flight left in its original aircraft. We continued to walk through the airport (no mean feat for me), listened but heard no announcements and finally found the group from our original flight. There was a plane at last, and we boarded, but were shocked at the lack of info, the complete absence of customer service and the feeling that no one really gave a rat's ass about this flight (excepting the very nice flight attendant named Jeff.)

At that point I took 2 atavan and dozed through the flight. We arrived in Charlottetown at nearly 2 a.m.

Swirling through my mind were several things: the recent Frontline I watched about the problems of regional airlines (this was Comair, Delta's regional carrier) and some of the issues raised in Dan Ariely's new book "The Upside of Irrationality" in which he talked about some of the customer service nightmares he's had, and what they say about human behavior and expectations.

San Mateo

2010-06-22T18:55:00.002-04:00

The Peruvian cooking class was amazing -- great food, great chef, amazing cocktails (Pisco Sours). Nick cut himself while shucking corn, but it's a typical cooking-related injury and it was dealt with quickly and effectively. We had a blast.
Jamie came over Sunday afternoon. We rode in the morning (20 miles) and it was great. Then the four of us hung out and made a huge dinner. Nick and I went to bed after, and the girls went off to the movies (Toy Story 3.)

Right now I find myself at a cafe in San Mateo, waiting for Laur. We'll hang out and have some wine and snacks before I leave for San Jose. Then back on the redeye tomorrow night, which means I'll be uselesss Thursday. So I'll stay home, do what work needs to be done, sleep a little and pack -- we leave Thursday night for PEI till early Monday morning, when I'll either come straight to the office if I'm up to it or back home for a few hours.

Next set of injections for this piriformis/sciatica situation 7/6, and I'm hopeful. I'm definitely moving better, and more of the pain seems mechanical than nerve-derived. Always an adventure.

Wedding plans continue. More decisions made, others still to be hammered out. For the kids readings we've identified three of the four (all but Nikki) so progress is most def being made (I may have been watching too many episodes lately of "The Wire.")

Peruvian cooking

2010-06-19T08:40:00.001-04:00

our class is tonight! 4 and 1/2 hours of Peruvian cooking and eating, at ICE. Very psyched. Tomorrow we'll ride in the morning, and then Jamie's coming over to spend the day and sleep over. She and Liv will do the Austin Street shuffle looking for wedding-appropriate dresses (if that doesn't pan out the failsafe is a shopping trip with Nick Monday.)

Looks like a gorgeous weekend. Our day today is pretty unplanned so we'll do the usual (and we love the usual.) Tried to watch a documentary last night called "American Meth" but I fell asleep 9 minutes before it ended. I pretty much got the point anyway.

Looks like Thomas and Sara are joining us up north for the July trip; maybe also Gena + beau (still haven't met him.)

Joe Barton! What a gift to the Democrats. Many thanks.

Which sonnet?

2010-06-13T08:58:00.002-04:00

Liv wants her wedding reading to be from Shakespeare. Currently choosing among:

Sonnet 18
Sonnet 29
a really beautiful passage from "Love's Labours Lost"

We're saving Sonnet 116 for the wedding officiant to read as part of the ceremony. Pretty much decided on Matt's reading (the only appropriate Decemberists song -- red right ankle.) Still need readings for N & J. Checked out Sonnets from the Portugese but don't think they'd be comfortable with any of those readings. More research...

Nerve pain

2010-06-12T07:59:00.001-04:00

It's different from all the other kinds of pain I've been having since this whole mess began. It's a disturbing pain because you feel it far from and removed from its source. It's caused by my back but I feel it in my ankle and leg. And it's harder to find a comfortable position -- with my hip and back I could find a neutral position. The mechanics were easier. But when I feel the nerve pain it's harder to find neutral. The doc changed up the drugs and I'll try them as soon as we fill the prescriptions, and I remain hopeful.

on a beautiful June Saturday

2010-06-12T07:55:00.002-04:00

a lovely weekend is here. Matt is back from Montreal and now in NJ. Liv is in the Hamptons. Both back Sunday. Seeing T&S tonight, which we're really looking forward to. Our rings are ready, yay! Liv and I made giant strides on dresses for the wedding (3/4.) Couple more trips and we'll be done. Holly (heart of a lion) off to the park shortly. Narrowing down some wedding readings and taking care of some other wedding details. Liv took the SAT's last Friday (fingers crossed); now we wait and hope this round is good enough so that she doesn't have to take them again. Great tutor for this round, but still hoping for her sake that she's done. Matt's finishing an online class and it turns out he's not much of a fan of online learning -- the lack of interaction and discussion is alienating. Not surprising. Looking forward to a great weekend.

Wedding readings

2010-06-05T08:50:00.002-04:00

so far the best choice seems to be Shakespeare's sonnet 116. Still need readings for the kids, and reading Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portuguese for ideas. Looking for memorable evocative readings that the kids will be comfortable with, and solving for all 4 should be interesting. Still deciding if we want to include the Apache blessing in the ceremony (I'm ambivalent but undecided.) The officiant put together a beautiful ceremony, and we're really only tweaking -- it's so good.

stuff of note

2010-06-05T08:46:00.003-04:00

attending one of the funniest (however unintentionally funny) concerts in Summerside, including the 11th grade band "Thundercove"
seeing Rachel Maddow at Laguardia on Wednesday morning, right in front of me on the Starbucks line (no, didn't get a chance to talk to her -- she must have been running late because she bolted from the line)
awful wildlife photos from the Gulf
Liv SAT's -- today
Matt off to Montreal for a few days before camp
planning the family trip for August
getting done a lot of catch-up stuff this weekend

A perfect PEI day

2010-05-30T05:56:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was perfect in every way. Beautiful weather -- about 70 and cloudless all day. We took our first PEI ride of the season -- about 18 miles (26 kilometers?) on the Confederation Trail. Couldn't have been nicer.

The kids were safely squirreled away: Matt in NJ, Liv in the Hamptons, both in excellent spirits. After our ride we came back, showered and then hung out outside in the glorious weather playing scrabble, waving to neighbors, doing scratch-off cards, reading and having mojitos.

A lovely mid-afternoon rest, then we watched an episode of the Wire (season 2, keeps getting better. Nick installed and set up the DVD player.) Everything slow and langorous and leisurely. We decided to have an early dinner at the Lobster House, since the evening was as beautiful as the day and we could sit outside. But the restaurant was closed. Out of business? Not open yet for the season? No idea. But we went driving into Kensington, music blaring (combo of American Idiot, Fela, Decemberists, Radiohead) and found a charming little inn and restaurant warmly called "Home Place." Very nice place to happen upon. Food was good (salmon for me, tenderloin for Nick) and spent time chatting with the very young waitresses (one too young to even pour the wine.) We talked about PEI, they asked about NY, told us about the history of the inn.) Very fun.

Then to Eleanor's Dairy Bar where Nick had a hot-fudge sundae (best ice cream in Summerside, they say.) Then home, where we read. I'm fighting my way through "The Big Short" -- even the dumbed-down version of the economic crisis with the synthetic CDO's, the credit default swaps and other questionable instruments is a challenge for me to read. Nick's fighting his way through the new book by the author of Life of Pi (Yann?) I'd check but it's upstairs and Nick's still sleeping.

We fell asleep pretty early, tired by the day's excellent adventures.

It's raining now, which makes certain decisions for us. We probably weren't going to ride again, just so we had energy for the rest of our day -- seeing Roy at the Triangle in Charlottetown, maybe lunch with Susie, a concert at the French School tonight with Randy and Allison.

Tomorrow's easy too -- one errand (paying taxes at the bank), getting the house together, repacking (much easier, we didn't bring much and we're leaving here some of what we brought) and then the drive to Moncton. We'll spend the night there so it's not so punishing to make the 6:00 a.m. flight home.

Got airline tickets for us and Mom and Dad for the August trip. Very psyched! We're already planning what we'll do when we're here with them, Laur, Patty and the kids. Much to do: Highland Storm, a ceilidh or two, maybe a concert at the Indian River music festival, a visit to all the Anne of Green Gables sights, Sandspit, more, more, more. Dinner at either Lot 30 or Dalvay for the special occasion night. Otherwise casual.

One last thing: Custom Creations, 233 Water Street, Summerside. Welcome to your addicition, said the artist. That's all I'll say on the topic.

6:30 Friday in PEI

2010-05-28T05:27:00.004-04:00

We arrived late Wednesday night in Moncton, NB -- our first time flying there. Easy flight, the one odd thing was the man in front of us at immigration at the airport who was dressed in business casual, explained to the officer that he was here on business and then had to explain why he brought with him a bow and arrow. As we were on line for the car rental I heard him talking to some random people in the airport how he was here to shoot wolves and caribou. Interesting.

We got in late; it was almost 1 a.m. when we reached the house. I slept til 11 (!), Nick til 10, and we started the day doing the shopping to fill the fridge and pantry. We didn't need that much since it's just the two of us, and we'd left a lot of staples here, so it was easy. We love Sobey's! It's part of what Liv refers to as how we "play house" here.

I found a place to get a badly-needed manicure while Nick went to Canadian Tire for a DVD player. In the late afternoon we were visited by our next-door neighbor Donna, who is facing a difficult week: her husband Norm enters a nursing home (Alzheimer's unit) Monday, and she's having a hip replacement Wednesday. We'll be thinking about her all week.

Then Randy and Allison stopped by, both to say hi and to give us our mail and take care of the paperwork and money we owe them for the caretaking. They stayed for a glass of wine and told us about a concert Sunday night that sounds fun -- the four of us will go. That's also the day we'll go to Charlottetown to see Roy play at the Triangle bar, and we'll stay for a couple of hours in the afternoon.

We had dinner at the lobster shack that used to be called Sharkey's but is now under new managment and doesn't even have a sign yet. According to the menus it's now called Frederick's. Good basic food, and since the lobsters came in on 5/1 I had one -- small, sweet and delicious.

And we'll get to see Susie! Just need to figure out where and when. We don't have many plans except a tentative plan to ride Saturday (weather and pain permitting), dinner at Lot 30 and the usual stuff we do at the house.

May look into a couples massage at one of the local places -- tbd.

We may have dinner tonight at the Lobster House right here in Summerside. It's supposed to rain today so our rainy day plans may include staying home and reading, playing games etc., or if the rain's not too heavy we may explore the eastern side of the island.

Spoke briefly to my mom (interrupted by Donna's arrival) and they are planning on coming up in August when my brother and family arrive. That would be perfect, and we've got room for everyone.

Oh it is so so so so good to be here.

things that seem awkward but turn out not to be

2010-05-25T07:15:00.002-04:00

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, the emo-musical about our 7th President, currently at the Public Theater. Surprisingly good and funny and imaginative. A little long but overall worth seeing.

meeting my ex's new girlfriend, last night over a bottle of win. Surprisingly easy and pleasant, felt more like hanging out with friends than anything else. Really like her, and she seems very good for him

Olivia's triumph

2010-05-22T08:46:00.002-04:00

ok, that's hyperbolic. But she did well with her project at Mount Sinai with the Starlight Foundation. Couple of glitches with props and her rotating cast, but it went well enough that they want sequels and Liv is happy to continue. She was totally charged by the experience, "I'm thinking about music therapy again" and "I LOVE being in front of the camera!" Everybody wins.

Beautiful weekend. We may ride today, but it's also the day when I start the daytime Lyrica, so we'll have to see. Tomorrow we meet with the wedding officiant, and after that Liv, Nick and I will go downtown to see "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson." Matt can't make it, but he's still buzzing about Fela, which was fela-tastic. Sorry for that clunky coinage.

We leave Wednesday night for PEI -- can't wait. Happy birthday Nikki! Hope you and your friend enjoy "American Idiot" -- tickets on the way.

Nick and Wendy go cycling!

2010-05-16T16:08:00.002-04:00

We rode -- first ride of the season. We were both nervous and concerned but it was great. Did the 16 mile starter ride out at the beach. I'm always tentative the first time I ride each season, but Nick's as always incredibly understanding. We kept our speed manageable, never more than about 14 mph. Slow for me but fine for the inaugural ride.

We both felt great after. I can always feel the toxins leave my body as I start to ride, and we couldn't have had a more beautiful day.

Hip part was fine, so I could swing my leg over to get on the bike. Felt it more in my back but I've had a lot of pain the last few days and no discernible change during or after the ride. The sciatica really returned with a vengeance yesterday, with the calf and ankle pain I was having before I started on the new drugs. I missed a dose Friday night because we were out, and since that's the only variable that changed it's to that lost dose that I'm attributing the new old pain. But the cycling certainly didn't make it worse, so I'm happy.

We came back rosy and happy, then hit the showers and hung out with the kids. One Scrabble game (I won, though I got off to a very slow start.) Liv and I chatted about her Hamlet project (I suggested she pretend she's a therapist with Hamlet as a patient and write session notes. She liked it and is working on it now.) Matt kibitzed during the game (he plays Scrabble on his phone and we'll definitely make the next game a three-way.) He's off now to see Yianella, and they'll come back together tomorrow so we'll have a couple of days together.

Sunday morning

2010-05-16T07:22:00.002-04:00

It's going to be a beautiful day, and I really want to try and ride. Figure I have pain if I don't ride so I may as well do what I want.

The florist we're using for the ceremony is coming over this morning. We were supposed to bookend the day with wedding activities : florist in the morning and ceremony officiant in the afternoon. But we've had a lot of back and forth with the officiant and are now rescheduled for next weekend. We'll stay in the city that evening to have dinner with Thomas and Sara (currently scheduled for today but trying to move to when we'll be in the city already.)

Overall the wedding planning is very smooth and easy.

Matt's home -- and good, and sweet. We are going to take him and Yianella to see Fela Tuesday evening, which we're very psyched about. Liv demurred; too much work.

We've been reviewing the Peru itinerary. Looks great but I'm asking if we can also find time to see the Amazon basin. Not like we have that many opportunities to see the Amazon so don't want to miss out.

It's been a really nice weekend. Work of course but a manageable amount. Good and mellow, relaxing and fun.

American Idiot

2010-05-15T08:56:00.004-04:00

Brilliant. Fantastic. What a ride. All four of us loved every minute of it. Liv wants to see it at least two more times, and we may see it again too. Best thing we've seen and definitely the best musical since Fela. It reimagines how a musical can work, and everything from the staging (wild) to the musicality (impressive) to the music itself to the performances. Just brilliant. Told Matt (who I finally saw when we get home) that I'll get him tickets to see it this week.

Liv just woke up and she, Nick and I had coffee together and talked about the show. I read the review earlier so was able to confirm that what Jon thought about one of the characters -- who the Times refers to as the "androgynous goth drug pusher" St. Jimmy -- was an actual character and not an apparition as he thought.

Great evening.

Today

2010-05-09T09:50:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

big news week

2010-05-08T10:35:00.001-04:00

too many stories to mention and keep track of. But definite highlights include the flash crash, the jobs report, the oil spill and the riggers reports, Times Square, etc. etc. etc.

And how funny was the Daily Show about the ascot?

the closing of Enron

2010-05-08T08:22:00.002-04:00

Just a word about that -- very disappointed that it closed. Great review in this week's New Yorker but clearly a day late and a dollar short. Oh well. Next weekend we see "American Idiot" with Liv and Jon and we're very psyched.

So much going on. Wedding plans are coming together. The decoupled nature of our plans (ceremony and party separated by a month) complicates the planning a bit, but it's still pretty straightforward and stress-free. We're passing on certain traditional wedding elements -- the band, the video, the wedding cake, so that helps. Everyone we're working with is incredibly professional and reassuring -- from the people at Ethical Culture (we meet with the officiant next weekend) to the caterer, florist, calligrapher, restaurant. We'll have fun stuff to do in June like shopping for clothes. Honeymoon planning coming together -- nice combination of expertise from the travel agent, Mirwan and our own research.

Open house tomorrow (Judy says she has good luck on Mother's Day) followed by a Mother's Day early dinner. Should be fun.

We were going to ride today but the sky threatens, so we'll pass.

Monday I start PT with a new diagnosis (piriformis syndrome and sciatica) and a new place. The cocktail of drugs is helping. It has calmed the crazy ankle and leg pain. Hip and back pain continue but I'm hopeful that the combo of injections (had the first one, next one this week), the meds and the PT will help.

Matt comes in next week and I'm so psyched to see him. Even Liv was fine with it. She's taking an SAT diagnostic test this morning. Fingers crossed.

It's an intensely busy Spring, with everything going on at home and at work. And I know I'm behind in blogging -- a casualty of the current complexity. But I'll try and keep up.

Sunday, sunday!

2010-05-02T08:34:00.002-04:00

We lost most of yesterday because Nick spent the day collecting Jamie from her cruise and taking her home, but we picked up where we left off Saturday. Mint juleps and the Derby at Sarah's (thanks, it was fun but too short) then dinner. Friday night we saw a terrific little play down at a tiny theater on Waverly. Called "The Aliens", it's by the woman who wrote "Circle Mirror Transformation" which we saw last year and really enjoyed.

Today people are coming to see the house, and we'll stay local so I can pack for my upcoming trip and reclaim the weekend. We were going to ride but I can't find my cycling stuff (!) so we'll kick it off next weekend. Probably Saturday before the Mother's Day brunch on Sunday.

Wedding plans continue. A few loose ends now that we've decided on a place for the ceremony (NY Society for Ethical Culture.) Need to figure out lunch after (restaurant or catered at the Society?), a photographer, clothes, etc. Nothing hard. We're meeting with the officiant in a couple of weeks to plan the ceremony. So nice to do planning without agony; this is fun and easy and doesn't have a million moving parts.

That's all for now. There's so much going on: the oil spill, the car bomb in Times Square, Arizona's immigration catastrophe, but it's a beautiful spring day that we'll spend with scrabble and mojitos, so I'll put the serious stuff to the side for now.

Happy Sunday.

Rainy Sunday

2010-04-25T08:29:00.005-04:00

So today will be a home day. Yesterday was fun: Gena was apartment hunting around here and we met her midday for a couple of cocktails and catch up. Great to see her, much fun. One game of Scrabble outside in the yard -- sorry, Nick -- I did have all the advantages that game (though you had both blanks but we won't mention that.) Liv came out to dinner with us at a local Indian place (I was going to say "joint" instead of "place" - that's Nick's influence.)

I've been up for a few hours, catching up on work stuff and wedding and other stuff. It's 8:30 now and I think I'm still the only one awake. Even Holly is sound asleep.

Today we'll hang out, shop for dinner and cook. A new cookbook arrived in the mail from Cook's Illustrated (my favorite cooking magazine, bar none) which was really interesting because it's all lighter and healthier recipes. I told Olivia we can make anything in the book. Right now we're down to three dishes: chicken tacos, Asian lettuce wraps and a cold soba noodle salad. Not sure we'll make all three but on the other hand it's a long day ahead. Liv and I talked about getting manicures today but it's not a day to do much outside. We'll see.

The weather sucks. I don't feel any pain increase from the weather (mine's pretty steady.) Nick gets achy in this weather but as long as he keeps in mind that it'll improve when the weather does (which is what happens every time) he's ok.

I go back to the physiatrist Wednesday, and I'm hopeful that she can help and that I'll be in fighting form for the Peru trip, which is a very active one. Nick is concerned that I'll be able to manage this, but with 5+ months to go I want to believe I'll be better enough to handle it. I want to go to Peru. Peru. Peru. And I want to go when we're planning to -- right after the wedding reception. Nick thought we might want to delay it for a a few months but I reacted poorly to the suggestion.

Mirwan sent us tons of info about Peru and exactly what to do and where to say. I forwarded all of the info to the travel agent. She doesn't seem to mind this kibitzing approach to planning, at least not so far.

The week ahead is crazy, busy and intense with back-to-back meetings, overlapping meetings, evening events, etc. And the following week I head to the West Coast for a few days. Very busy time of year.

And so a quiet day sounds exactly right.

Spring

2010-04-24T07:57:00.002-04:00

One more play we loved: The Glass Menagerie. Beautiful production that restores the humor of Tennessee Williams. So 3 plays in a show all worth seeing (Red and Enron.)

Very busy week and now a very relaxing weekend. No firm plans, a 180 from last weekend. More hanging out, catching up, mojitos and Scrabble. We'll start trying next weekend to cycle again, though we'll start slowly with a shorter ride.

Wedding plans continue. Not too much to do for the reception/party except find a photographer and deal with clothes, hair and makeup. Plenty of time for that. For the ceremony we're checking out the NY Society for Ethical Culture end of day Monday.

Pain continues but I'm getting relief from my drug cocktail. I'm skipping the Vicodin, but the Lyrica, anti-inflammatory and muscle relaxant return the pain to somewhere inside the band of tolerability. Before the drugs the pain was outside the band. I return to the physiatrist Wednesday; by then she should have all the medical records and will have spoken to the ortho. Hoping that the pain relief is sufficient so she can start the other parts of the treatment -- physical therapy (on hold til she spoke to the ortho) and injections.

Such a beautiful day today. Everything is better in the spring. The Arizona immigration law is Draconian and shocking, but if it spurs federal action it'll have been worth it. It's good to see our systems conspire to make possible the reforms we need. Thank you Anthem for healthcare reform. Thank you Goldman Sachs for the imminent financial reg. And maybe soon we'll thank the citizens of Arizona for the impetus to address immigration reform.

Enron, the musical

2010-04-17T09:10:00.003-04:00

Tough week but ended well. And last night we went for dinner (Bobby Van's -- bit too much of a WASP stronghold for our tastes but food was good) and then to see Enron, still in previews. We weren't really expecting to like it, but in prep we'd watched "The Smartest Guys in the Room" just last weekend.

It was a blast. Very well done, funny but meaningful, with some great touches, ideas and acting. Much of the dialog was familiar -- the playwright picked up the actual statements by some of the leading actors like Lay, Skilling and Fastow. But some great expressionist elements (the Lehman brothers, the raptors, three blind mice.) We really enjoyed it. John Lithgow was in the audience (that's the second time we've seen him at a play.) It came across as broader and more relevant than the story of a single company gone terribly wrong. It felt like a classic tragedy with a fall from grace, and the points and lessons of the Enron story have broad applications to our sense of who we are in business and as Americans, about our values and what matters.

Today is about errands and straightening up the house -- some people from the open house are coming back. Among the errands is a drugstore visit to get all the prescriptions the physiatrist gave me. She was great in terms of time spent, thoroughness and a non-silo'd approach to what's wrong with me. She said it's the piriformis muscle which isn't functioning well and is pressing on nerves causing sciatica -- that's the pain that's lately gotten worse and wakes me in the night. Quite a cocktail she prescribed: muscle relaxant, anti-inflammatory, pain killer and something else for nerve pain. That's part one of the treatment -- to try and get the pain under control and manageable so that we can move on to the plan she thinks I need, a combination of injections and physical therapy, leavened by drugs.

Also on the docket for the weekend is addressing the save-the-date cards and mailing them. That's exciting.

Tonight we have dinner with Lamia and Mirwan. Really looking forward to it. Plus they've been to Peru and we're anxious to hear all about it.

Tomorrow more house stuff for another buyer. Then a matinee in the afternoon: "The Glass Menagerie" at the Roundabout. I hear it's an unusual production but I love love love that play so I'm curious to see what they've done.

packages

2010-04-15T06:55:00.001-04:00

lots of good stuff getting dropped by. Yesterday's UPS guy brought the save the dates and the stamps, a book about Peru, plus some more mundane stuff. I do love deliveries, I have to say. And these wedding-related packages are the best.

Early Thursday

2010-04-15T06:47:00.002-04:00

Up since 5. Really since 3 but I dozed a while. It was pain that woke me and kept me awake, and at a certain point I said the hell with it and got up.

Fortunately my day is relatively easy: a trip out to see a client this morning, then back to the office for work and meetings and a day that ends with PT. Tomorrow I see this new doc -- a physiatrist -- so will figure out what that's all about.

Looking forward to a fun weekend. Tomorrow night dinner followed by the new show about Enron. (A musical about Enron -- really?) Then dinner Saturday night with Lamia and Mirwan, and on Sunday we're seeing The Glass Menagerie. Not a particularly restful weekend but should be a good one. Someone's coming to see the house Sat afternoon -- one of the people from the open house. Nick has some things to do Saturday and I'll use the time to do the great clothing shift in honor of the season's change. And together the 3 of us will address the save-the-dates so we can send them on Monday. All good stuff. We'll try to keep next weekend open to inaugurate the cycling season. Per PT, I can ride, but they suggest less resistance, less speed and a shorter duration that is my wont. Better than nothing.

Matt and I have been in touch all week, working together on his paper: propaganda in 1920's Germany. I had an art book of period drawings that turned out to be very helpful.

Liv's new SAT tutor is working out well -- all hail Glen. That's a relief.

It's early not only in the day but to characterize the week, but I'll try. It's been a good, busy productive week and the change in weather makes everything better.

A beautiful family day

2010-04-11T08:17:00.002-04:00

That's what Nick said about yesterday, and he's right. We went to services to hear Dad read the haftorah and be honored (as Nick said to Murray: "best haftorah I ever heard." And the inevitable question: who is reading the other haf?) It sounded perfect to us (though eagle-eyed bar/bat mitzvah tutor Aunt Shirley found one mistake; not really a mistake but the substitution of one word for another.

But it was beautiful.

The whole lot of us were there, so happy and proud of Dad. After the service and kiddush we went back to the folks for dessert and some hanging out. Later my brother came over and we hung out with the kids, who for the first time in a long time got along. Maybe it's detente, maybe they've just tired of the stress of holding those extreme positions. But it worked.

Great day for Dad and for all of us.

Later Nick and I went to see "Red" with Alfred Molina. Great play. 90 minutes of fantastic language, ideas and intensity. I felt like I understood Mark Rothko for the first time. Really great, tight, brilliantly acted and cunningly written. A blast.

Today is maiden voyage open house of 2010. Let the cleaning and pretense that we don't really live here begin.

Lists

2010-04-10T07:43:00.002-04:00

That's a big part of my life right now: lists. Lists of to-do's -- for Olivia's college plans, for wedding prep, for Matt's travels, for the honeymoon, for work. Lists of names -- for the wedding. My bulletin board is covered with lists (I still like hard copy.) But even with all this going on, it's not terribly stressful. The wedding planning is pretty simple, at least relative to other major events I've planned. The restaurant makes it pretty easy. For the ceremony we're looking into the Society for Ethical Culture. We'll review their info this weekend, check with Matt about dates and decide if that's how we want to move forward.

Today we'll celebrate my Dad's 80th birthday, and the gang's all here. Laur flew in from Berkeley, Matt came from Mass. Jon stayed over. And we'll all meet at the synagogue at 10 to hear him read the haftorah. Very nice.

Tonight Nick and I will see "Red", the new play about Mark Rothko with Alfred Molina. Look for a review tomorrow.

Tomorrow's the first open house of the season, so fingers crossed.

It's an invigorating time, with all these things in the offing, the weather changing and so much to look forward to. Still having quite a bit of pain, but in the better weather and with the energy of spring it's not getting to me as much. Need to schedule an appointment with this physiatrist person soon. Took my first post-THR flight, and was expecting problems at the airport metal detector, but nothing happened. No beep, no nothing. And my energy is fully back, so I can work without limit, see friends and do everything else I need to do.

Beehive of Activity

2010-04-03T08:54:00.001-04:00

suddenly everything has come to life, just as the weather changed and our long bleak winter morphed into a beautiful warm spring. We're both very busy with work, and starting to do social things (though I find I still can't do everything I like -- I still get tired and there's still quite a bit of pain.)

But a couple of things are going on that will make this spring and summer bursting with activity. There's Liv's college planning -- a new SAT tutor, scheduling interviews, reviewing applications. There's her summer program at Berklee and the plans to get her there and set up. There's wedding planning! We have a date and are now starting to work on the plans. It'll be simple and intimate to be sure, but even that requires thought and attention to detail. There's a potential trip to Louisiana to see Nick's folks, since it's been too long. There's paperwork for Matt's year abroad, which is looming. There's my Dad's 80th birthday -- no work for us; we'll just be part of the events -- but it's on the radar. There are summer trips to PEI to plan. There are bikes to be taken out of storage and taken out (we'll see how that goes.)

All good things, all happy things, just an awful lot of things especially compared to the lost month of February when nothing of interest was in the offing.

And this weekend is the most beautiful I can remember, and our last quiet weekend for a while. After this one we've got lots of plans to do things and see people, so we'll really enjoy the solitude and simplicity of a quiet weekend with just the two of us.

HCR=BFD!

other news of note

2010-03-20T08:55:00.004-04:00

Matt got his official acceptance to go to Shanghai in the fall
We're starting to talk about wedding plans: what kind of wedding we want and where
It's spring!
Going tonight to see a new production of "Hard Times" at City Center, third in the series from the Pearl theater company (first two were "Playboy of the Western World" and "Misalliance." After tonight we'll get back to serious theater-going
my pain continues but grows stranger. The awful morning pain that lasts about 3 hours goes all the way from my back/hip to my foot, with particular intensity in my ankle. Very strange. We go back to the doc Tuesday but are no longer expecting to get a real answer. No idea where we'll go from here
starting to have a social life again; beginning to make plans to see all our friends. We still have to go slower than I like because my energy flags after a full day at work. But we'll pace ourselves
healthcare reform is heading to a vote tomorrow! We are so psyched
stories we've been following include: Bart Stupak, John Ensign, the shocking developments in Virginia, DADT. Jon Stewart's imitation of Glenn Beck Thursday night was brilliant. Stephen Colbert's take on Beck was pretty damn good too
It's house-showing season, starting tomorrow with a couple of people, to be followed by open houses in April. Think happy thoughts

adventures in parenting

2010-03-18T09:59:00.002-04:00

It's been an interesting week, with Matt home. He was great -- as up and cheerful as he gets, though there's a knot of anger inside him that doesn't seem to go away. We talked a lot about the similarity of our worldviews and coping mechanisms: the essentially malevolent universe, the need for escape clauses, safety nets and the importance of maintaining an outsider's status. He and Nick got along better than they have to date.

And it was a great week with Liv too. We celebrated her birthday at a great restaurant -- Del Posto -- with the three of us plus Liv's boyfriend and two close friends. Great meal and a great evening. She told me yesterday that it was the greatest meal of all of their lives. And Nick commented that he feels his relationship with Liv -- always good and strong -- has only gotten better.

But my two kids managed over the course of the week to never be in the same room at the same time: not once. That certainly eliminated the hostility and stress of recent visits, but left me with an odd feeling that I can only express in this way: I feel like I'm the mom of two only children. That's the best way I can describe the situation.

It could be worse, of course, if my relationship with either of the kids was shaky. With Liv and me there's never a problem. With Matt of course there have been issues and we had problems pretty much from the day we moved into this house (that he hated so much) until last year when it all finally broke open and we dealt with what had driven us apart.

So the good news is that both relationships are strong, but the peculiarity of the situation is always there and during this week it became clearer.

Never dull.

Nor'easter

2010-03-14T08:16:00.005-04:00

It's Sunday morning and for now the weather has calmed a bit. Matt came in last night and it's great -- even though our initial instinct was "it's been a long day; we'll talk tomorrow" we ended up sitting around the dining room table (the 3 of us, with Nick) talking politics and policy. Nick and I agreed that Matt strongly reminds us of Ezra Klein (our favorite baby wonk.) We shared a bottle of very good Malbec, a gift from a new employee, and hung out for a long time just talking. We'd done a lot of shopping so the house was full of food for Matt, which he always appreciates. So good to have him home. He's locked in for Manchester, and within about a week he'll know for sure about Shanghai.

Needless to say Olivia wasn't here when he got home, but their paths are sure to cross in the next few days. Matt will be out tonight with his dad, and we're cooking. I found a new recipe for an updated country captain stew that we'll make tonight for the three of us.

Nick and I are going to carve out a couple of hours today to make some plans: theater, our next Carnegie Hall series, our spring/summer plans to head up North. Yesterday got away from us, between work, Liv's SAT's and Matt's arrival. So today will be planning day. We may also see if we can throw in a quick trip to Belize for late spring.

I started reading "The Family" yesterday (the book Rachel recommends by the author she has on the show whenever one of the topics is the family, the fellowship or C street.) Absolutely terrifying. If even half of it is true the organization needs to be investigated by the IRS, the CIA (lots of freelance diplomacy and statecraft going on), the FBI and anyone else with a stake in this. It's shocking.

Another thing on our list of to-do's is to dismantle and move the table that Nick set up in the bedroom for my convalescence. I used the table while I was out for everything from work to meals, but now it makes me think of a sickroom, and it's time for that to end.

The pain continues pretty much as it's been for the last week or two. My energy is about back to normal, so I'm more productive, and I can plan around the worst parts of the day. But I'd love to know when and if this will end, whether once this heals I'll be good as new, whether my back will continue to be a problem. Still significant uncertainty.

One last thing: we watched a new episode of Frontline last night, about a journalist allowed to live with the Taliban in northern Afghanistan. Fascinating and as always with Frontline, very well done and highly recommended.

Re

2010-03-11T15:30:00.005-05:00

This was a week of re. Re-immersing, re-entering. Getting back to work and actually having my meetings in person instead of on the phone. Seeing people -- people! The problems I left were there waiting for me, and that's fine -- I'm ready to deal with them. Fresh air. City streets. All deliciously refreshing and welcome.

My energy is still variable, as is the pain. As has been the pattern, the worst times are morning and night; daytime is best. I'm good in the office for anywhere between 1/2 and 2/3 of the day, and I take care of everything else by phone.

Started PT yesterday. Went back to my old place on 56th Street. Inconvenient but wholly worth it. The last place I used felt more like a mill. My guy -- Bo -- seems knowledgeable and careful. He also suspects an inflammatory problem, plus lingering back issues. We'll see. I'm determined to be thoroughly compliant, as I have been since the surgery.

Liv is set for the summer at Berklee, and she's so psyched (as am I.) Her birthday's next week. She didn't want to do anything too elaborate, but we're doing a dinner for 8 or 9 at Del Posto in the meatpacking district. And I'm giving her a clothing allowance. She's as happy as can be. And she wants Nick and I at dinner (not Matt though; a bit awkward since he'll be in but we'll manage.)

Matt's in for a week beginning Saturday, which I'm really looking forward to.

Our social life is at a standstill for about another week. We'll keep this weekend quiet and then next week we have a lot going on: besides Liv's dinner we have our next Carnegie Hall concert (string quartet) on Friday, and a new production of "Hard Times" on Saturday. Really looking forward to it.

Watched the new episode of "House" last night, and I found the main character -- a patient/blogger -- interesting and relevant. She counted on reader response much more than I do (I have a lot of what Susie calls "silent stalkers") but I completely understood her need to record her life and to experience it through her writing.

Otherwise we soldier on. Lots to follow in the news: Massa's implosion (made even more interesting and sweeter by his appearance on Glen Beck); the healthcare happenings, the shocking developments against gays in Virginia, the gathering storm between the Supreme Court and the administration, the way the public option clings to life. Wow.

I ordered two books we heard about on Rachel: "The Family" and "Crazy for God." Nick and I are going to each read one, then swap and compare notes.

It's good to be re.

inching forward

2010-03-06T10:16:00.002-05:00

some updates:

finally, finally going back to work Monday, at least for part of the day. Can't wait. I've been doing more and more work from home, but it's not the same as being there

doc hypothesizes my ridiculously slow progress this way: that both he and the rheum suspect an underlying inflammatory condition (in his words: "we can't find it but we can smell it.") Something ought to explain why I'm such an outlier.

nice birthday dinner Wednesday night at Alberto's. My first time out and I managed reasonably well

Liv now has her sights directly on Berklee College of Music as her first-choice school. She's all set up for their summer program and now we'll have a laser-focused action plan to help her get in there. School looks amazing -- we got their brochure yesterday and Liv is reading and studying it, cover to cover. Her Starlight project will help, and it's an audition-based acceptance process. So everything I learned through Matt's admission process is unhelpful -- we'll learn a whole new way

We'll drive up to Boston in July to help her settle in for the program. Decided to go the day before and make an event of it. Will be great.

Matt's overseas adventure is falling into place; looks like he cleared all the hurdles and it's a go. Go Matt! He'll be in the week after next and can't wait to see him

Progress

2010-02-25T12:40:00.010-05:00

Real and demonstrable. And confirmed by Vlad the Impaler (aka my physical therapist.) The end is within site, and I'm hoping that at my next doc appointment (Tuesday) he clears me to return to work, even part time. As usual mornings and nights are the worst, but in the daytime there's a real improvement.

I'll express how I feel in one of Nick and my favorite expressions: yayyyy. There is a direct correlation between the scale of the event under comment and the number of "y's" in yayyyy.

Liv now checks the Berkelee College of Music dozens of times a day to check the status of her application. We've gone from apathy to intense interest, which I applaud. And it looks like she's settled on a book for the kickoff of her program at Mount Sinai. She picked -- what else and why didn't we think of it sooner -- the Olivia the pig books! Specifically she'll meld the original book with Olivia Starts a Band. How perfect?

Matt and I did rapid-fire texting early this morning, (I think he was in class -- oops) all about politics and healthcare reform, about how much we applaud Anthony Weiner, admire Ezra Klein and detest Harold Ford and Eric Cantor, about which political blogs are worth reading. I really miss him. Matt, that is.

Nick brought my engagement ring back to the jeweler for sizing. It fit perfectly when I first got out of the hospital and was swollen beyond reason, but now that I've returned to normal it's too big. I miss it -- how silly is that? I haven't been wearing it because I've been stuck in the house, and haven't bothered with makeup or jewelry or even real clothes but I do try on the ring at least once a day, every day. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Nick is THE BEST, for a million trillion reasons. Ahhhhhhhh. It's so amazing to be so happy, and I wish that everyone could feel this way and experience happiness this pure and profound.

updates

2010-02-22T12:40:00.002-05:00

To be fair, they're more mini-updates or even micro-updates but here they are:

I'm improving, however slowly. While I don't see a difference day to day I see it week to week and I'm definitely in better shape than I was last week. I recognize the patterns of pain and energy so I can better use the time and plan my days (early mornings and nights are worst for pain; late mornings and late afternoons are best for energy)

Getting more work done, a direct function of energy + pain

Big decision made yesterday: we applied for Liv to attend a 5-week program this summer at the Berkelee School of Music (Boston). It's a big program (and an expensive one but oh well) and is geared to performing skills. It's a school she's interested in for college anyway; distinguished both for the music program and apparently also for music therapy. She was back and forth about this most of yesterday as we talked about it -- didn't want to be away for so long this summer (neither did we want her away) but the program seems so right for her right now that she decided to move ahead. Should hear about it in a couple of days. Her big concern is that she'll be able to see Jon, come home, etc and even though we don't have the specific scheduling details I reassured her that it's not the gulag and she'll have more freedom than in other previous summer programs. So she won't work this summer after all, but this seems well worth it.

Loving the Olympics -- watching everything save hockey and ice dancing. Great that the Olympics coincided with my convalescence -- very considerate.

Delighted that Meet the Press ratings go way up whenever Rachel Maddow is on. They should dump David Gregory (seems like a GOP tool anyway and a pale imitation of Tim.) She's the best and so glad the world is discovering it. Where's the petition to draft her? I joined a Facebook group about it but it seems a particularly impotent way to make the point

Great but sobering article in the Atlantic about the long-term effects of the recession; I pity the kids entering the job market in this environment. So tough. It'll be the atmosphere that Matt will be entering, but since he's interested exclusively in government and policy I'm hoping he'll be in the right place at the right time

Vague conversations about wedding planning. Nothing firm but we're starting to talk and think about it in broad strokes. Nikki lost 20 pounds -- go Nikki! And now she has this extra motivation: she'll (of course) be in the wedding party. Liv will be my maid of honor and Nikki and Jamie will be bridesmaids. That's about how much thinking and planning has been done. Not much but a beginning. I go into my jewelry drawer to try on my engagement ring at least once a day

planning and hoping hoping hoping to be back at work next week. Miss being there -- working at home is ok but isolating. Need to see people and be seen. In the meantime it's critical to keep my brain working (don't want to turn into mush-mind) hence the constant reading.

thanks so much to all my friends and family for your ongoing concern. It means a lot. And even if the communication is primarily passive (email, text) when it was hard to talk by phone I really appreciate it

Thursday

2010-02-18T09:50:00.003-05:00

and another week crawls to a close. Saw the doc on Tuesday and he was as surprised as we were that the pain is still this intense. Took xrays to check and that part was clear, so he thinks it's the soft tissue that's damaged and taking longer to heal. Changed up all the meds and wants to see me again in 2 weeks so we'll see. At least he confirmed that I'm not crazy (well maybe, but not for this reason.)

I can do more, and just do it through the pain. I'm managing stairs about once a day, which is a big step (pun intended.) PT continues, and is more challenging and intense each time which is thoroughly appropriate. The pain is dramatically worse after a session but that's to be expected.

I'm fully compliant with the exercise regimen; no interest in playing around or gaming this. I want full recovery with complete range of motion, so I do all the daily exercises which are taking up a larger and larger portion of the day.

Mostly my energy is much better so I can do more, in terms of meetings and calls. What I couldn't do was accompany Liv to her meeting at Mount Sinai on Tuesday, but she wisely decided to go without me (even though for about an hour or two before she was due to leave she tried everything possible to get out of it -- to no avail.)

And it was worth it. By all accounts the meeting was a great success. She met with several people on the Mount Sinai staff, plus one rep from the Starlight Foundation and they brainstormed for a while. Then -- in her words -- they "funneled the ideas" to arrive at an approach for the first performance (April.) She was buzzing with excitement that night and through yesterday. This is bigger for her than how it started, which was to come up with a way to distinguish herself on college applications. Now it's a cause, a crusade.

She set up a gmail account yesterday so that she would have a more professional-sounding email address than her personal one, and I helped her with her follow up note. It's so great to see her excited about something like this, and it even got her interested in working with sick kids as a possible career.

In any case the project is kicking off, and she's running it. Very very cool -- go Liv!

Snow day

2010-02-10T11:22:00.002-05:00

Not like it makes much difference to me, but what's nice is that both Nick and Liv are home today because of the weather. Good to have the full-time company.

My energy is better and I can deal with email and other things on a more ready basis, so that's good. The pain continues and I've now accepted that I need to double the painkiller dosage (still within acceptable parameters) to manage it. Worst is the morning, both because all the drugs have worn off and because of the stiffness.

There's a rhythm to my days now, if a lethargic one. I wake up at about 8 or 8:30, check email and read the political and industry blogs plus headlines and any articles that interest me. After about an hour or two I'm tired, and I return to bed to read and watch TV. I usually watch the previous night's Rachel Maddow Show, the Daily Show and Colbert. I'm nearly finished with Game Change, which was delicious. Next read will be the most recent David Sedaris (which I've already started) plus magazines. Favorite mags are the New Yorker, New Republic -- happily both are weekly, plus the Atlantic, Newsweek and the food mags.

Post this period of rest I go back on the computer to check on things, then take an assisted shower. I can now shower standing, which is a significant improvement, but still need Nick's help getting in and out.

Afternoons are sleepy, literally. I sleep for an hour or two, read some more and catch up on TV. I particularly like "World's Strictest Parents", which I found on MTV but is actually a production of CMT. Love a good transformation story, and these definitely qualify. Tried "The Tudors" with Liv but might have been too soon post-surgery: put me to sleep.

Evenings include dinner, upstairs in the bedroom. Nick is doing so much, and without a whiff of complaint. After dinner we read, watch the Sopranos, etc. Haven't yet re-introduced games into our mix, but may start today. not sure I'm ready for Scrabble, so we will start slowly with Boggle and backgammon.

And that's the snow day.

Superbowl Sunday

2010-02-07T09:16:00.003-05:00

Unlike last year when we had a Superbowl party and a bunch of friends came over to hang out and watch, this year's Superbowl party will be exclusive and intimate -- just Nick and me. He's planning on laying out a whole spread of food as though we were having a large get together but he'll be the only one partaking.

I'm planning to watch the game, actually. Usually if I watch at all it's only for the commercials, but this year I'm interested. Partly because Nick is so interested, and when he's watched throughout the season he stops to show me great plays or other events of note. His beloved Cowboys did well throughout the season, and it was great to see him so happy. But even with them out this should be a fun game to watch.

And I'm rooting for the Saints. Partly because New Orleans is such a sentimental favorite and because they are the underdogs -- two qualities I can't resist.

Doesn't hurt that by and large the GOP is supporting the Colts (I read that on HuffPo, I think) and Nick is a little torn because Peyton Manning is so good, but we've agreed to root for the Saints.

Yesterday we watched "The Hurt Locker" -- not an easy movie to watch but a good one. It's tense and suspenseful from the first frame and never lets up. But quite a good movie.

Saturday's mail brought the prescription refill for the painkillers. Needless to say Nick filled it right away. I'm finding that I'm not nearly ready to reduce the dosage or the interval between dosages. If anything I'm increasing the # of pills and shortening the time in between. All with doc approval, of course. I can actually take 3 Perc's (10 mg each) at a time. I haven't gone that far, though it's good to know I can.

So today will be another day of ice, rest, pills, reading, sleeping, though it'll be interrupted by the big game -- nice break in the action.

And next week the Olympics begin. I'm a sucker for the Olympic games; always have been. And though I love all Olympic games I prefer the winter ones. And they're in Canada. Need I say more? Very thoughtful of the IOC and everyone else to schedule the games for when I'm home, recuperating with nothing but time. Appreciate it.

Who dat?

Saturday status

2010-02-06T10:02:00.005-05:00

It's now fully a week later, and at this point there's only one direction to go.

I've got enough energy to do more things, at least more email, blogging and the occasional phone call

Officially the painkillers are finished and now we're dipping into the secret stash. When I think about it I'm still furious with the doc's office on this topic. So for now, while I'm powerless, I won't think about it. That will change.

Masterpiece Theater has produced a terrific new version of Emma, with part 3 to be shown Sunday. Highly recommended.

More than halfway through Game Change. I don't agree with one article I read that said it's the women (Elizabeth Edwards, Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin) who come off worst. Just finished the Bill Clinton section and he hardly comes off smelling like a rose.

Starting to get a little more independent, at least in micro-ways. And they are micro: Nick now helps me into the shower but doesn't stay in with me; waits til I'm done. I can walk very small distances using the bannister rail and the cane for support, vs. the walker (that's a PT exercise.) I'm spending slightly less of the day actually sleeping vs. resting. Infinitesmally small steps, but steps nonetheless.

I'm banned from doing stairs at least until the next PT visit -- banned entirely. We'd thought that a once-a-day round trip would be ok, but not yet. So I remain a hostage to my bedroom. Reminds me of the Count of Monte Cristo.

I'm planning on starting to do calls with work this week, at least a few.
Thanks everyone for staying in touch and for understanding that until I'm more on my feet and can get downstairs that visits aren't really appealing. That I hope will change post Tuesday's PT visit if she clears me for stairs.

The actual name of the book

2010-02-05T13:14:00.005-05:00

that I referenced, and used as ammunition in my war of words (and ideas) with the HSS nurse:

"Bright-sided: How the relentless promotion of positive thinking has undermined America", by Barbara Ehrenreich.

I know I've mentioned this book before; I was very impressed when I read it a few months ago. But I had no idea how relevant and useful it would become, so I'm making my endorsement louder.

Barbara, if you're out there, thanks for your thoughtful perspective and the data you found to support your compelling and innovative argument.

one week later

2010-02-05T09:36:00.002-05:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging, but that's a reflection of how difficult this recovery has been. Too much has happened since I last wrote, but thought I'd provide some of the more interesting and noteworthy developments.

I seem to have set the record for fastest discharge post hip replacement. The surgery was last Friday and I got clearance to leave the hospital by Sunday (vs what was anticipated -- Monday probable but even Tuesday likely)

There was quite a set-to in the hospital on my second night. I spent the first night in recovery only because there were no rooms, which was puzzling. I asked why -- it isn't like HSS has tons of emergencies and therefore unexpected admissions -- and the staff agreed, but nothing could be done.

I finally got to my room the next morning, and had a difficult roommate: either she was awake and complaining, or asleep and snoring. This did nothing to ease my anxiety or improve my mood.

The night staff on my second night was the worst. I was stressed and anxious, desperately in need of sleep but no sleep aid was forthcoming (for reasonable reasons including my drop in blood pressure and hemoglobin levels.) But the communication was poor, and slow. The nurses were condescending and remote. The whole process is an infantilizing and depersonalizing one.

My set-to really kicked in when the nurse started telling me about the power of positive thinking and about how she was a disciple of some positive-thinking guru. I responded that I was a disciple of Barbara Ehrenreich whose new book "Bright Sided" used data to make the argument that not only was positive thinking of questionable benefit but could actually be harmful.

She wasn't unhappy to see me leave.

Since I've been home it's been mostly a blur. I can't do stairs so I'm a prisoner of my upstairs bedroom and the painkillers sap my strength and energy. All I can do is rest and sleep and read and watch TV. I'm not bored (yet) -- until the pain begins to ebb and my energy returns I'm not frustrated by my inability to do anything. That'll come once I start to feel better, but for now boredom isn't really an issue.

I've been reading Game Change, which is my kind of gossip book, and that's helping.

Nick's been great -- of course -- and this places myriad demands on him, but he never complains.

I'm walking (to the degree that I'm walking at all) with a walker. The device I thought would be my bete noir has actually turned out to be my best friend. So much for preconceived notions.

Physical therapy began this week; I've had two sessions with a Russian therapist who I quite like. I can't do that much but she's quite reasonable about expectations and my (shocking, to me) limitations. I'm trying to do the couple of exercises she assigned me, and find myself exhausted by just these few simple movements. But she assures me that this is normal and to be expected.

We upped my pain meds yesterday, which helps. I tried (to soon) to elongate the period between doses but that turned out (as many things have) to be a misbegotten idea.

And then this just happened: I didn't realize til last night that we were running low on the pain meds, and I just called the doc's office. Apparently they don't call in prescriptions -- "didn't you read that in the pre-surgical information?" They mail them. Mail them! I'll be out of these by today and may get the new scrip in the mail Monday.

But they don't really give a damn -- and that call actually well characterizes this entire experience. We have backups, fortunately, though the dosages are different.

My chief learnings from this experience, to date, include:

HSS is no better than anywhere else, for all the hype
Everything depends on the quality of staff (which was why Sunday was better than Saturday)
The system works to suit the providers, not the patients
real info about recovery and what to expect is sketchy, notwithstanding the pre-surgery class -- attendance mandatory -- which turned out to be pretty much useless

So now I'll return to my regular day: icing my leg, reading, TV and resting. I'm sure things will start to improve over the next few days, according to all reports. And at least I have enough energy back to do this, answer emails, etc.

New music

2010-01-29T08:47:00.002-05:00

Elvis Perkins. Very cool. Matt suggested I listen to him, and told me that's all he's listening to. He's great. Just put his albums on my ipod to take with me. The musical medley I'm planning is him, Thom Yorke and the Decemberists. Funky, dark -- sounds about right.

I'll save the Celtic fiddle (Roy) and the Fela soundtrack for when I get home.

Prep

2010-01-29T07:56:00.006-05:00

Today's the day, so yesterday was mostly about prep.

I divide prep into two categories: their idea of prep and mine. Theirs (the medical/industrial complex) included all the pre-op, plus surgical supply store shopping, the special diet I had to be on yesterday, packing, calling into the pre-recorded number at the hospital, etc.

My prep is different. It included the essentials: haircut, manicure, having my legs waxed -- the stuff that not only will I not be able to do for a while but the things that make me feel grown up and in control. That's not unimportant; I find that people become infantilized in hospitals and I want to hold that at bay as much as possible.

I don't have an early slot today, which seems unusual. We're due at the hospital at 12:30, with surgery planned a couple of hours later. So I have the morning today which was unanticipated but welcome.

Nick's all packed; he'll be staying at a hotel nearby. Liv will stay with friends. Holly's off to the kennel (Nick said that as soon as he turns off the expressway and she realizes where she's going she vibrates with excitement -- she loves that place.)

I've got my reading material gathered -- that's key. I've saved Game Change and also the latest David Sedaris, plus this week's New Yorker with the Tea Party story I'm looking forward to reading. And Sarah dropped off a book last night (can't remember which) that I'll save for when I'm back home.

Won't know about my room status for a while. I requested a private room it but the differential in price was so extreme that I'm not sure I'll take advantage of it even if available. We'll see. If semi-private I'll just hope for a quiet roommate and plan to keep the curtain between us closed. This to me is not a social occasion.

I've spoken to or been in email touch with some of my friends and family, so that's all up to date. Had a lovely dinner Wednesday night with my parents, aunts and uncle -- great evening.

My hip couldn't feel worse than it does today (and did last night) -- it's the last hurrah and it knows.

Not taking my laptop so won't be blogging til I'm home and really bionic. I'll be mostly news-free for a couple of days, which isn't a bad thing. There were some tantalizing stories this week beyond the State of the Union Speech: the Tea Party convention meltdown, the incident with Senator Landrieu in Lousiana and a couple of others, but they'll keep til I'm back.

One event we'll miss is the Leipzig Quartet at Carnegie Hall, so will need to figure out what to do with the tickets. Liv and Jon may be interested but we'll see. She's picked out the promise ring she wants him to give her -- it's a silver Tiffany band that says I love you. She was at Tiffany yesterday retrieving her lost gift card -- she still had money left over from her bat mitzvah gift returns but had lost the card. She now has $300 in Tiffany money burning a hole in her pocket. Not bad.

I guess that's it for now. Nick and I will leave in a couple of hours and he will of course be with me throughout it all -- that's what makes everything possible.

Will write again from the other side, once I join the ranks of the joint replacement.

Monday's Mill

2010-01-27T06:17:00.003-05:00

Monday was the second (and last day) of prep for the surgery. It involved two things: a class at the hospital followed by an appointment for medical clearance.

First, the class. It was well filled, and while most people were older, as expect, a few were closer to my age. The instructor was a middle-aged woman, a social worker I think. She spoke with unending cheer and condescension; there was a patronizing quality to her presentation that suggested she was used to speaking either to the very very old or the very very young. She spend quite a bit of time extolling the virtues of the binder they distributed, particularly the page at the beginning that was blank for us to use to write down questions. Seemed a straightforward feature to me but to her it was a marvel and a wonder.

And the questions asked by patients made us thing no one had done any reading or research in advance.

We couldn't get out of there fast enough, but soldiered through the whole thing.

From there we went to see the medical doctor for clearance. For once I couldn't use my own and was assigned someone. When Liv had her SAT tutor Sunday night one of the vocabulary words was "perfunctory" and that well describes the experience. Little warmth, just lots of questions that came with the regularity of machine-gun fire. Lots of typing on her keyboard, a quick exam and out. It all felt very institutional, and left me cold inside.

We came home and made our first-ever visit to a surgical supply store to buy the kinds of products I never wanted to think about to ready the house for my return. We were both glad to have gotten this over with and too be back home. Yesterday's work day -- packed with back-to-back meetings, needs and issues -- was an absolute pleasure.

I'll work a full day today and a half day tomorrow, so I have the afternoon to do my sort of prep: get my haircut, pack, think through any needs while we're gone, do Liv's laundry, etc. And then we'll get the call with the time of surgery so we'll know when we need to be there Friday.

Shudder.

The rest of the weekend

2010-01-25T08:11:00.002-05:00

Saturday at Sarah's was lovely. Your place is wonderful! And the food, company and vibe were great -- thanks for doing it.

Sunday was a quiet day: lots of errands for Liv (she sings tomorrow before what's known at her school as "the juries" so there was quite a bit of shopping to do -- clothes, shoes, etc. Hoping the singing takes care of itself.)

I made muffins for Liv and Nick; may not be able to do it again for a while. We played Scrabble (actually 6 games between Saturday and Sunday, and the Scrabble gods smiled at me.)

We glowed a lot at our new status. I called Matt to tell him; he sounded both surprised and happy.

So all good.

This is the last pre-op week. I lose today to prep and Friday to the actual surgery, which leaves me three days to get everything done: all work stuff, all home stuff, plus getting my hair cut and the other grooming things that will be difficult for a while.

In a little while we're leaving for the city for part one of today's pre-op adventure: the joint replacement class at the hospital. Can't wait. I imagine my fellow classmates to be significantly older than me (I could be wrong) and I'm not really sure how they'll fill the 90-minute session. Then to the medical doc for clearance.

A very medical day. Not my choice. It ends when I meet Liv at Mount Sinai to talk about her new project "once upon a song." More to follow.

Welcome to the Wilderness

2010-01-25T08:00:00.005-05:00

Once again it's hard to be a Democrat. I'm used to it -- I've been one as long as I can remember. But it's new to Nick: raised a Republican, then an independent and only recently a Dem though he still considers himself an independent. Wisely so, I'd say. As he said to me in the wake of recent events "I was much happier when I was a Republican." And I understand.

Watching the recent events has been totally disheartening. The Massachussets race felt like a self-inflicted wound. What was the White House paying attention to if not key races? Maybe it's because we just finished watching every season of the West Wing, but it was our strong sense that this was the job of the Chief of Staff. The way healthcare has played out was another shot in the foot. Where was the leadership, the unity, the hammer? It reminds me of a oft-repeated line from "A View from the Bridge" though it was meant in a quite different context: "now we settle for half and we like it that way." This administration seems to not only settle for half but seek half, with fantasies of bipartisanship, a failure to lead, a misunderstanding of the mandate and the self-imposed requirement of the mystical magical supermajority.

It's so infuriating, and after the brief shining moment of victory and unity last year it reminds me of how it felt to be a Dem all along.

What happened, when and how

2010-01-23T08:43:00.003-05:00

It all happened yesterday. Actually too much happened yesterday for a single day; it was more like several days worth of incident and events jam-packed into a mild January Friday.

The day began with a client meeting in NJ, after which I went back into the city to meet Nick for half the pre-op appointments. In the morning before I left Nick got down on one knee -- I was puzzled -- and said he wanted to check out the shoes I was wearing. It was odd, no doubt, but I didn't give it a second thought.

The pre-op stuff went fine, and ended with my autologous blood donation (I gave the cookies to Nick who hadn't eaten since breakfast.)

After that we had time to kill before we were meeting the kids for dinner, and we wandered down a forlorn stretch of First Avenue looking for a place to duck in and have a glass of wine. For a while all we found were dusty convenience stores and dry cleaners, and then we spotted a little wine bar called Felice. A cute little place, practically deserted, but it was an off time at 4:00 in the afternoon. We had some very good Italian white wine, and Nick had what he thought would be a small snack but turned out to be quite a large sandwich.

We were chatting in our usual insufferable way. I told Nick I loved him, and he asked "how much?" I told him that I loved him the most, and at the moment I finished saying that he went down on one knee and said "then will you marry me?" And before I knew what was happening he took out a ring box from his pocket and opened it. Inside was the most beautiful engagement ring I've ever seen.

I said yes -- of course!

We marveled for a while at our good fortune, and I'm sure I was glowing. We giggled and left the well-named wine bar, and walked and walked.

We made a few calls and texts and made our way to Brasserie where we were meeting Liv and Jon for dinner. We got there early so we had a little more time to just be enveloped by what was happening (I must have looked at the ring on my hand a thousand times by then.)

The kids showed up and were thrilled. Liv was complicit in the whole enterprise -- she'd helped Nick pick out the ring and knew not only what was going to happen but when. They'd brainstormed ideas for how he was going to ask me (including one quite bizarre idea about asking me tonight at Sarah's party, stepping out to get ice and returning dressed as a knight in a suit of armor. Liv thought there might be better ideas.)

Dinner was wonderful -- appropriately celebratory. And it was a great meal on its own merits; everyone loved what they ordered and we had plenty of time, so even stayed and had dessert.

Then we grabbed a cab to head over to the theater where we were seeing "A View from the Bridge" in previews. We enjoyed it. Liev Schrieber was brilliant, and the success of this play rests squarely on the shoulders of its protagonist, Eddie Carbone. Scarlett Johansen was fine -- neither added much nor took much away, and the rest of the cast was strong. Very moving, and it seemed as though few in the theater knew the play, so there were gasps of shock at key points (Liv grabbed my hand at one tense moment.)

After this extraordinary afternoon and evening the three of us headed to Penn Station to go home. Some snafus with the LIRR (we were on a train which suddenly went out of service and had to go find another) but we didn't mind. We didn't mind anything.

We are engaged!

We are engaged!

2010-01-23T08:42:00.001-05:00

Detective Wendy

2010-01-18T09:21:00.004-05:00

I was curious about what happened next door, because it didn't seem right. Our neighbors moved out so suddenly, and in such silence. They've always been friendly and chatty so it was surprising that they moved out with such rapidity and silence. It gave me a vague sense of something amiss, as though there were something else going on and it was more than a normal case of a marriage gone sour.

So I did a bit of detective work, and found this:

http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=20400973&BRD=2731&PAG=461&dept_id=575596&rfi=6

That's my neighbor they're writing about and trying to find. That's my neighbor whose alleged fraud was featured on NY1 and who is now apparently being investigated by the attorney general. That's my neighbor who was given an "F" by the Better Business Bureau. My neighbor who took advantage of these people. Yep, that's the guy.

It reinforces one of the things I've always believed, that rarely is anything what it seems. Fascinating. Disturbing, especially when you look into the people who were ripped off.

anxiety dreams

2010-01-17T10:25:00.004-05:00

Everyone gets them, and though I've been known to say that nothing is so boring as other people's dreams I enjoy these. Mine come in several flavors:

1. the college dream. I find myself on a college campus, at my current age. It's the last day of the semester: finals. I've never been to the class and am completely unprepared for the exam. A variation includes me finding myself not only attending school but living on campus.

2. the work dream. I'm in my office working, and someone comes to get me with the words "they're ready for you." I obediently follow into a conference room, where every seat is filled, every face expectant, and I have no idea what it is I'm supposed to be doing. Variation: I'm naked.

From everyone I've spoken to the themes are consistent but the execution differs according to people's occupation. An old friend of Paul's dreamt he was directing a football game and goes into the bleachers ahead of time to prepare. He drops his script and when he climbs underneath the bleachers to retrieve it he finds millions of scripts down there. Paul's was interesting too, sourced from the time when he worked at the track videotaping the races: instead of horses he sees sheep, who are the same color as the track and therefore indistinguishable.

Odds and ends

2010-01-16T08:39:00.004-05:00

Liv's plans

Liv has decided not to travel this summer but to work instead (yay!). She's applying for camp counselor gigs at the JCC and other places and is hyper-focused on it.

Her community service/performing arts project is taking off. It'll be called "Once upon a song" and we have an initial meeting at Mount Sinai the week after next. Very exciting.

Dispatches from Iraq

Finally heard from Whitney -- it's been over a month. She messaged Liv on Facebook to let us know that she was ok, but that all email has been blocked because someone shared too much info. At least she's ok.

Rear Window

Not sure what's going on next door but now it looks like they're all moving out. Vans and trucks show up and haul stuff away, cars come and go, the principals aren't to be seen, including the kids. Nick's concerned that the house will be abandoned, hardly what we need next door in this of all markets. We'll see.

Tempers flare

I had a set-to with the ortho's office yesterday. They believed (mistakenly) that we'd spoken at length about dates and scheduling for all the pre-op. I called them (they seldom call me) to see where we are, now that we're within two weeks of the surgery. The scheduler told me she'd gone ahead and planned an entire day for me, but when I told her the date didn't work our tempers flared. I was angry because not only was she bitchy about it but they barely consult me when they plan things. She was angry because she felt I was being difficult. I know when I'm difficult, and this experience just didn't qualify. Perhaps they're used to dealing with an older population with more time on their hands, but that flexibility is not available to me. We hung up abruptly, and several hours later a more contrite scheduler called to work this out. Wonder who spoke to her. In any case I'm now scheduled for the 4 pre-op events, spread over two days: the pre-admission testing, the blood donation, the appointment for medical clearance and the class. I'm trying to imagine what this class will be like but it's frankly beyond my imagination.

A full week

2010-01-16T08:31:00.003-05:00

It's Saturday morning, about 8:30. Finally the weather broke and it's warm enough for Nick to take Holly to the park where she'll see her friends and romp and frolic, bound and leap.

It was a good week, and a busy one. There were things after work every night, two of them particularly noteworthy. Thursday night was Liv's musicale at school. It was a beautiful program: first one of the school orchestras, which played Bizet and Dvorak. Then her chorus, the mixed chorus. They were amazing, and for the first time Liv sang with joy. She was dead center and because the heavy-set kid in front of her couldn't make it, she was easy to spot. The chorus sang six songs, including an old spiritual (is there such a thing as a new spiritual?) called "soon ah will be done." I preferred this concert to the winter one, which was held in a church and featured all of the school's choruses. This was held at the school which offers both more intimacy and better acoustics. On the ride home she talked a lot about music and singing and which classical songs she likes and which teachers she wants to have next year. It was a beautiful night all around.

Last night Nick and I went to see "Misalliance" at City Center (Pearl Theater Company.) This was second in the series; first was "Playboy of the Western World." It was really good -- a revival of a GBS play that sparkled with wit and observation. The best word to describe it -- the only word that seems to fit -- is delightful. We met at the Carnegie Club first, then had dinner at Rue 57 (shrimp cocktail and roast chicken for me; french onion soup and duck l'orange for Nick.) A great night. We had a blast.

Long weekend this weekend, which is delightful too. It comes so suddenly after the long break but is most welcome.

Hibernating and interesting patterns

2010-01-10T09:29:00.003-05:00

It's that time of year, when we're happiest staying in the warmth and doing home stuff. Today we're making beef stew and will have the kind of Sunday evening the three of us really enjoy. There's going to be a party to say farewell to my hip, and Sarah graciously offered to host it. We'll start working out the details in the next few days.

Nick is as happy as a clam. Besides the usual reasons his Dallas Cowboys are having an amazing season (and post season) and he's sure they're going to the Superbowl.

There's definitely something in the water on this block. Looks like our next-door neighbors have split up; not surprising given the volume and acrimony of their recent arguments. They took to screaming at each other outside, well within earshot, so their kids wouldn't hear. But we did, at least in the warmer weather. Judging by yesterday's events (moving truck) and the absence of one of their cars it seems like the husband moved out. So now we're three for three on this stretch of block. When we moved here in '05 our neighbors seemed to have intact marriages, but then again you never really know what goes on inside relationships.

Wonder if that could be a selling point for the house. Looking for a way out of your marriage? Have we got a location for you.

Clarity, finally

2010-01-09T08:28:00.005-05:00

So I finally understand what's going on with my hip and why we have gotten to where we are. The last few weeks -- since I saw the rheumatologist -- have been confusing. Her xrays showed no arthritis; not only no inflammatory arthritis but no osteoarthritis, which (I thought) was the chief reason to have a hip replacement.

What I have is called FAI: femoral acetabular impingement. I came across this condition in my research months and months ago, but no one was really listening to me (ah, our healthcare delivery system) but apparently now there's consensus. It's a long complicated name for what's not really a complicated problem: it means that the ball of the hip doesn't fit in the joint. It can be structural -- meaning you're born with it, or caused by trauma, but what should be a nice smooth fit made possible by nice smooth surfaces doesn't exist. It's possibly why the labrum tore in the first place, and then it's made far worse by the absence of a functioning labrum to cushion the joint. And because of the nature of the condition of course it makes perfect sense that none of the interim, conservative therapies would work -- why would they? PT, anti-inflammatories, injections, even arthroscopic labral debridement -- of course none of these can help address this rough bone problem.

And it explains why the best way I can describe the pain (and have been well before the medical community gave it a name) is that it feels like my hip doesn't fit. I know what fit feels like; the left side fits just fine.

So now it's on to the hip replacement. Got my date: 1/29. According to Jose it's the only thing guaranteed to work, and now I understand why. Long, strange trip if you ask me.

Apparently there's some prep involved beyond the usual pre-op testing. I have to donate blood, in case I need a transfusion. There's a class I'm supposed to attend at the hospital (can't wait to meet my fellow classmates) and I think some stuff we're meant to do in the house to make it easier when I get home.

It's time. This needs to be fixed and at least now we know what the "it" is. Enough already. But clarity helps.

Funky fabulous fevered Fela

2010-01-09T08:23:00.003-05:00

Fela is alive. It bursts and vibrates and glows and pulses and trembles and explodes -- I've never seen anything so alive, and all of us felt the same way. We saw it Thursday night -- Nick and me, Liv and Jon, Nikki and Jamie. We loved every moment, and we've never seen an audience get to its feet so fast. We felt less like spectators watching a performance and more like a group of people lucky enough to find our way into the Nigerian club called The Shrine, where Fela and the troupe were on.

It's rare that I don't check my watch at least once during a show, but there wasn't a second when I wasn't completely engaged and swept away by the music, the dancing and the story.

See it if you can; tickets are still discounted and quite reasonably priced.

It was a wow.

Home

2009-12-31T08:26:00.003-05:00

We came home on Tuesday night, after we realized that staying till Wednesday morning offered no advantage. Great time in Montauk, and on the last night we had dinner at the Palm. Liv and Nick had steak, and I had my long-awaited (10+ years) lambchops. No fireworks, no sign of the heavens opening, nothing. But they were good, I enjoyed them and ate them without consequences. We spent the day in the usual way -- hanging out, going to the gym, etc. When we got back to the hills we had dinner at Baluchi's, which will now replace Tandoor as our favorite local Indian joint. Better location, far better atmosphere and food that was not only as good but tasted fresher.

Yesterday was a catch-up day. Much hubbub at the house -- 2 showings though only one materialized, and a series of calls from an odd broker who claims to have a customer but is really only looking to take over the listing as it expired yesterday (we renewed with Judy, of course.)

Good reports from Matt in the UK, though he's all at sixes and sevens -- the British friend they were meeting was apparently hospitalized with psychosis. All his plans are obviously up in the air, but he sounds sanguine about the whole thing.

Also good reports from Gena about her latest date (per her email she blew off MS guy for Matzo Ball guy -- as much as that sounds like code it actually makes a kind of sense.)

We spent the day catching up, doing errands etc, having mojitos and playing Scrabble. Nick broke my (8-game) winning streak. Tonight we're supposed to go into the city to a bar where there's a Celtic band, but the weather is quite surprising so we'll see. Nick's off to the Island to do his stuff and reclaim Holly, and the roads will be a mess.

Spoke to hip ortho who said he'd been in touch with the rheum (got an email from her too); does't look like any kind of inflammatory arthritis but that doesn't change the need for a hip replacement. As far as my back goes, he says that will continue to flare up and if it continues or worsens it'll be time to bring in Dave (spine guy.) We'll see.

It's very beautiful out now with all the snow (yes, I can say that because I don't have to drive in it.)

Montauk Monday

2009-12-28T17:31:00.002-05:00

We left yesterday at about 11 -- me, Nick, Olivia and Holly. A few local stops first to pick up missing toiletries and other necessities, and then we drove about an hour to take Holly to the kennel. She couldn't have been more excited; as we neared the place she was all over the car trying to get out.

From there to Montauk, with a couple of Starbucks stops along the way. Our suite is lovely and plenty big for the three of us. We hung out awhile and then had an early dinner at Harvest, known for its gargantuan portions (the garlic mashed reminded me of the mashed potato scene from Close Encounters.) Then back to the hotel where we played some boggle and watched an episode of Big Love.

We woke late today -- after 9. Nick had trouble sleeping on the rock-hard mattress. After coffee (too strong -- the Starbucks we picked up is way stronger than the Dunkin Donuts we use at home) the three of us headed to the gym. Liv likes the elliptical, Nick did the treadmill and I did the bike (hard on my back and hip but did it anyway.) Also some time on the universal. After showers we went to town for brunch at Anthony's (one of the two pancake houses across the street from each other.) We made a few stops so Liv could take photos, which she's really into.

We came back, watched the movie Big Fish (not bad), took a short rest and in a few minutes will start to get ready for dinner. We had some reading time. Olivia: Atonement. Nick: a Cormac McCarthy novel. Me: a new history of the Second World War.

We're headed to the Palm in East Hampton. Liv will have steak, Nick wants duck and I'll have my first lamb chops in a decade. We decided a few months back that I'm ready to introduce new food into my diet, and of the available red meats selected lamb ("he don't eat meat? I'll make lamb!" -- we've all been saying that since the decision was made.)

Then back here, maybe a few more games, a movie and more reading time. A very relaxing and restorative day, and so great that Liv is here.

Eventful days

2009-12-27T09:07:00.002-05:00

The past few days have been filled with incident. Matt left for the UK -- haven't heard from him yet. Olivia went shopping with her holiday money yesterday and was pickpocketed. She called me in tears and within about an hour I was getting calls from Bank of America about suspicious charges on the card -- including Auto Zone and a Shell station. Clearly no grass grew under the feet of the thief. It was interesting to note the difference in customer service between BOA and Citi. I called Citi, and couldn't get through to a person and didn't have the account number. I used gethuman.com to figure out how to get through to a live operator, which worked, but the experience was less than satisfactory: the person I spoke with was curt, asked me the same questions over and over and seemed to be having trouble with the entire thing. BOA on the other hand was courteous and sympathetic -- asked if Olivia was ok and what else they could do. Big difference.

And she was having such a good day right up to that point. She was with her friends, with money in her pocket. And she was scouted by an Abercrombie employee who was looking for models to work in the store today. But she's under 18, so that didn't work. But it made her feel great, and she floated inside that bubble right up until the moment she realized her wallet was gone.

Nick's girls had their own adventure when they left here and spent the day with their mom. A day of texting that started out fine but then devolved as their day did with issues including their mom's drinking, suicide threats and then a call to the cops.

Gena came over yesterday to hang out, which was great. We got to spend time and catch up, and she did a bit of shopping in my closet (ended up with a couple of really nice things from what I think of as my 2005 collection.)

Then last night we all decided that Olivia would come with us to Montauk, which is perfect. We'll set out in a few hours and take Holly to the kennel. We'll do everything we planned, and Liv is up for it -- reading, working out, checking out Montauk, going out to dinner, swimming and the hot tub. She's selected Atonement to read while we're there; an excellent choice. She even plans to go to the gym.

Right now we're all packing and straightening up and otherwise prepping (save Liv, who's still asleep but not for long.)

I hear doors opening and closing (nothing is quiet in this house) so I'm assuming she's up. This will be a great couple of days.

Christmas day

2009-12-25T08:40:00.002-05:00

It's about 8:45 a.m. I was the first one up but I think I hear Nikki stirring downstairs. Yesterday was great. Nick and I exchanged gifts in the morning. I gave him 3 things: an ice-cream maker, a Garmin nav system for his new truck and a gift certificate for a couples class at the cooking school called ICE (formerly known as Peter Kump.) His gifts to me were wonderful. Lots of things to keep me warm: slippers, slipper-socks, PJ's, a hoodie and a robe. A new alarm clock to replace our current one. Why the need? I'm not gentle when the alarm goes off in the morning and I may have been a bit overzealous when trying to turn it off -- now the buttons pop off all the time. My appliances live hard.

But the best gift he gave me was a beautiful gold snake ring with turquoise. He'd remembered a story I'd told him and Liv about a snake ring I'd wanted when I was a kid and we were in Greece. The seller wanted badly to sell it, I wanted it with all my heart but my mom said that the sight of me with a snake around my finger would have been too much for my grandmother. So all these years later I have my snake ring, and it's beautiful.

Nick brought his girls over in the afternoon and we hung out for a couple of hours before dinner. Everyone got along and it went well. After dinner we watched a movie (The Hangover) which was predictably but satisfyingly funny. He tried to use the ice-cream machine but it hadn't chilled long enough so he'll try it again today. We'll wrap up some extra cookies (I made three kinds) for Liv to take to Tessa's later.

This morning Nick will drive the girls home to Eastern LI and then come back.

It's our last day with Matt, who leaves tonight for the UK and who's been really fun to have at home. Liv no doubt disagrees but he's really been fine.

Bon voyage Matt! Have a great trip and we love you.

I am divorced

2009-12-24T09:26:00.003-05:00

As of last night, it's official. I wasn't the first to know; Paul texted me to tell me that he was notified by mail that according to the Honorable Sidney F. Straus we are officially divorced. I spoke to my lawyer who didn't know but who looked it up on line while we stayed on the phone (elaw.com) and she confirmed it.

It didn't quite sink in at first; we were pretty boozy from mojitos and everything was a bit blurry. But I woke up this morning single for the first time in many many years (21 if you count from the marriage, more like 26 if you go back to before Paul and I met.) Wow. The end of an era. I want to see the decree. I think of it as a single piece of paper, embossed, stamped, decorated and suitable for framing, but Nick tells me it's not like that at all. Still...

So it's done. It took long enough but it's finally officially and irrevocably done. Whew.

Tonight we're having dinner with all the kids. Nick's picking up the girls now. Matt's back from lunch and Liv will be here later. We're serving shrimp cocktail, calamari, lasagne, home-made breadsticks and salad. May order some Chinese food to make Matt happy (Jews eat Chinese food on Christmas, after all.) And for dessert: I made three kinds of cookies: chewy chocolate, chocolate chocolate chip and pecan crescents (made with the pecans Nick's mom shelled and sent.) And as a special treat, homemade ice cream. I bought Nick an ice-cream maker (one of my gifts to him; more on the gift exchange tomorrow.)

A banner day.

Happy birthday Holly

2009-12-19T08:44:00.004-05:00

Holly turned one year old a few days ago. She hasn't evidenced much maturity with the passage of time. She has a new and unwelcome trick: she drags the fireplace grate open enough for her to get in and drag out the burnt charcoal. Face smudged and guilty, she knows she's in trouble but keeps doing it again and again. Nick bought a new gate that's helping keep her in the living room, which is helpful. But she's a Jack Russell -- busy, smart, obstinate -- and it shows in everything she does. I worked from home yesterday and she stayed most of the day in her (unlocked) pen in the sunroom. Nick moved it closer to the radiator and she loves the warmth. The problem though is obvious: she sleeps all day and by the evening is a whirling dervish, vibrating with energy and intensity. She's so damned cute that it makes everything ok. Nice evolutionary turn, I'd say -- her size and appearance protect her. Clever.

Big storm coming

2009-12-19T08:28:00.004-05:00

That's what they say -- that we're about to be blanketed with snow. We're ready: Nick did a thousand errands yesterday and we're loaded up with salt and scrapers, firewood and food, just in case. We're having dinner tonight with my parents, and are scheduled to see the last play tomorrow in the Brother/Sister play trilogy, but we'll see what the weather permits.

Olivia and I met with the college counselor the other night. It started out rocky -- they didn't really know each other -- but got better. The good news is that Liv is reasonable and focused; she knows what she wants (and more importantly what she doesn't want). She wants to stay in NY and go to a school with a strong performance program. And we brainstormed some ideas to help her distinguish herself. I love what we collaboratively came up with: a project that combines performance and service. The idea is simple: work with a couple of her performing-arts friends to bring to life children's stories with acting and music. Either live or by DVD this little troupe would bring the stories to sick children in area hospitals. This is a great way for Olivia to combine her strong desire for service with her estimable leadership schools and love of performance. I've gotten in touch with the executive director the Starlight Foundation, an organization we support pro bono which works directly with hospitalized kids, and she sounded open and interested. Nick and I will help her in any way we can, and she couldn't be more excited about this.

Matt got in late last night, and was pretty cheerful, though tired from finals and traveling. He'll be home for a few days catching up on eating and sleeping before he leaves next week for the UK. We started talking last night about healthcare reform and the degree of our disgust and frustration with what's going on, but neither of us had much heart for the conversation, so it's tabled till today.

It wasn't an easy week: travel (I did San Francisco as a day trip, and I don't recommend it), tons of meetings, work, issues and complexity, back/hip pain bad enough to ground me on Sunday and Monday. And no answers in sight on my physical issues. Hip ortho suddenly not returning calls; rheum requested and will be reviewing films and reports, and an overall sense that no one is really in charge of figuring this thing out. I hope to know more next week but I'm not feeling terribly confident about the medical professionals in my orbit and their willingness and ability to look at this situation and deal with it in a rational and comprehensive way.

Seeing the future

2009-12-12T08:51:00.004-05:00

Here's the thing with plans: I love making them. I like knowing that the calendar is full of events and evenings with friends and interesting things to do and see. Weeks in advance of things I can't imagine that I'll be anything but happy with the plans I've made, right until the day those plans arrive. Daniel Gilbert talks about this a lot in his book "Stumbling into Happiness" about the human inability to project how we'll feel in the future. He's right, of course. It's when the day actually arrives that I wonder what I was thinking when I scheduled us for weekday events back to back, or other such complications.

A long work day yesterday that began with a morning client presentation in Connecticut. Then back to the city for work, meetings, check-ins before an end-of-day haircut. Nick met me at the hair place (though was too intimidated to come up to the floor.) I had good news for him: I'd spoken at length to my hairdresser about Jamie's plans to become a stylist. He had not only good advice but a specific plan and offer -- once she has her license she can get a job at his place as an assistant, which includes real training and apprenticeship. I couldn't wait to tell Nick so he could tell Jamie.

After we met -- in the brutal, biting cold -- we headed downtown to the East Village where we were meeting Olivia and Jon. Very nice dinner at a place on East 4th called B Bar. Nick and I got their first and had a drink at the bar, where a blotto couple were asking the waitress to define iambic pentameter. She couldn't. (I could but didn't volunteer.) The kids showed up and we had a really nice dinner. After that we headed down the block to see a version of Carson McCullers's
"The Heart is a Lonely Hunter." It was surprisingly strong and well done, with one breakout performance by the girl who plays Mick. The kids and Nick loved it; it was instantly one of Nick's favorite plays (I'm always relieved when he loves something since I'm responsible for this entire aspect of our lives.) It was great, and when we left we heard a couple say that no play or story set in the American South ever ends well. Too true, so true (as college girls write in the margins of "The Bell Jar.")

Great evening. From there to Penn, where we missed the next train and made the 11:35. Lots of fun.

Today will be about rest and recovery. Someone's coming to see the house this morning, and we have a couple of errands to do. Otherwise this will be our time -- lots of resting, hanging out, scrabbling and mojitos (they made a decent mojito at the place last night but not nearly in Nick's league.) Tomorrow will be abbreviated: I have to leave midday to fly for a Monday meeting. I'll be back Monday night, and then Tuesday morning I leave for the West Coast, back Thursday morning on the red-eye. Should be my last week of grinding intensity before the break, which will be even more welcome than usual.

Or,

2009-12-12T08:14:00.003-05:00

I was in no mood to see a play Thursday. It was a long day that began with an early client meeting in Connecticut, followed by back-to-back meetings and client calls that lasted past 7. There was no time to meet Nick for dinner; we were meeting at the theater. It was freezing cold that night, with wind that whipped around corners and made all the layers of warm clothes meaningless. So when we walked in to the theater on 55th between 9th and 10th I was -- if not in a foul mood -- not really up to a play I knew little about. I remembered little of the reviews I'd read save generally positive notices.

So glad we went! It was delightful -- funny and clever and witty and quick. The "Or," refers to the ambiguities of time, gender and sexuality. The story itself seemed to be a maguffin, but a terrific maguffin it was -- giving the playwright and the actors a jumping off point to explore these ambiguities. We laughed throughout the play, as did everyone in the audience.

A charming clever play I'd recommend highly.

developing stories

2009-12-10T07:35:00.002-05:00

Got to the rheumatologist yesterday. It was a long visit -- a history, exam and a chat. She gave me a TB test in case I end up on drugs for inflammatory arthritis and explained the difference and the relationship between inflammatory and mechanical (osteo) arthritis. She thinks it's likely to be inflammatory, given the symptoms, the rapid development of arthritis, and family history. The visit turned into an odyssey, as she sent me for x-rays (pelvis, hip, sacro-iliac and hands) and then for blood work (15 different tests requiring 9 tubes of blood.) I won't know anything for a couple of weeks, but of course I'm bothered both by the possibility that I have one of these inflammatory forms and more so by the fact that none of the orthos even mentioned this as a possibility. Even if it turns out not to be (fingers crossed) it's the kind of thing that should be evaluated and ruled out (or in.) It was really because of Jeff's partner's email (the doc I've been emailing with) and my experience with RA via our client relationship that this came up at all. Disturbing. And another example of our fragmented, fractured healthcare system, where there's no systemic coordination and everyone evaluates and treats within their own silo.

Otherwise all fine. Busy week leading up to next week's full-travel schedule. Tonight we're seeing a new play called "Or,", and tomorrow night we're taking Liv and Jon to see "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter." Dinner Saturday with Wendy and Perry. Should be a fun and full weekend.

Liv is excited about her possible path to celebrity via the talent agent, and now we've got to take and collect photos of her that show her more fresh-faced and less made up than in her comp card. Matt's travel plans over the break are shaping up; he sent me confirmations yesterday of his inter-European flights and hostel reservations. He's going to have a blast, no doubt.

So just digging in for the rest of this week and next, which are incredibly intense. But it all ends the week after when the long holiday break starts, which will be great and welcome.

A snowy Saturday

2009-12-06T08:13:00.002-05:00

Our first snow -- it was wet, cold and sloppy -- but at least it felt like weather! We went into the city to see The Brother/Sister plays at the Public on Lafayette Street. It's a trilogy, and we saw two of the plays yesterday. They were very cool and well done -- well written, staged and acted, and an interesting exploration of issues including race and sexuality. Some members of the audience left at intermission; others clearly didn't know what the play was like (or had trouble understanding the dialogue: it did require that your ears adjust.) But we liked it a lot.

Nick is off to the park now with Holly. Yesterday she was voted "cutest dog" -- wonder what took so long! She loves it and spends the rest of the day sleeping to recover from the running, playing, running, playing. It's a Holly's life.

Today will be easy. No one's coming to look at the house (first time in 4 days) so we can relax more. Nick and I both have work to do. Liv has homework -- regular homework, SAT prep (tutor at 4) and a concert report that I'll help her write. Why does she need my help? Because she's writing about the string quartet performance we attended, but she didn't. Whenever she sees something that would qualify for one of these reports she procrastinates (surprise!) and then takes too long to write it. So I'll describe and explain what we saw, and she'll make it her own.

The afternoon will include the football game (Cowboys are playing), reading, Scrabble and hanging out. I may see if I can wrap some of Nick's gifts on the sly.

And tonight a local dinner with Lamia and Mirwan, which is always fun. It's been too long since our last get-together, a function of schedules, travel and in my case, surgeries.

The week that was

2009-12-05T07:38:00.004-05:00

It was an interesting one, and here are some highlights in no particular order:

Scrabble, part 1

The first game Nick and I played on returning from Canada was one of the best, if not the best, we've ever played. Our combined scores were a mere 17 points shy of 800. Nick had one 7-letter (squirms) that earned him 106, and even my two 7's didn't let me prevail. He played a brilliant game. And I promised him I'd blog here about his triumph. Well done, my love.

Scrabble, part 2

The re-match was last night, after I got back from Boston. Nick was winning from the first move and kept up his lead the entire game. He never relaxed (he never does when he's ahead) but as the game neared its close he started to believe the game was his. But I rallied: on my very last turn I did a 7-letter word (insults) which ended the game in a surprise victory for me. Great game, and whew.

Music

Our new season at Carnegie Hall started this week. It's a 3-concert series of string quartets. On Wednesday after a lovely dinner at Rue 57 we attended the first one: the Mendelsson string quartet, which is ending its 30-year run this season. Nick's favorite was the Bartok, mine might have been the Beethoven. Music so beautiful you could week (my eyes filled with tears as soon as the first piece began.) A beautiful evening.

Whitney

Our soldier sounds down. Clearly everything is wearing on her, and she's homesick and worried about her boyfriend, who is off on a mission. She's now a gunner. Liv and I are writing to her often, and we bought her a couple of really cute sweaters from J Crew that we'll send in the next few days. It was Liv's idea to get her cozy sweaters, and it's a great one.

Friends update

Gena and Peter broke up last Sunday, and we've been talking all week. She's heartbroken and I feel so bad for her; she was so happy right up until the end. Sarah and Toby are going to be moving to a house in the next couple of weeks and they're so psyched. It's a big upgrade and we couldn't be more thrilled for them. Hope to see them and the house soon. Tomorrow we have dinner with Lamia and Mirwan -- long delayed and long overdue.

Our weekend

Today we go to the Public Theater for a matinee of one of the parts of the Brothers/Sisters Play, which is supposed to be great. Unusual for us to go in the daytime, but we're really looking forward to it.

House activity

A sudden burst of interest this week. Lots of lookers and all of a sudden, and people seem to really like the house (this time, this week, no guarantees.) We'll see what happens.

Things medical

Based on Marty's advice (my old friend Jeff's partner, who is a doc) I'm going to see a rheumatologist to rule out RA (rheumatoid arthritis.) Just seems to be the responsible thing to do, given the rapidity and severity of my arthritis. Probably isn't RA (I know a few things about it since we work for a pharma company that makes one of the leading RA drugs) but worth looking into. When I called Jose the ortho to ask about this, I had an exchange with the PA about it. She said that if Jose had suspected RA he'd have addressed it. Given the silo'd nature of our medical care I've already learned that docs stay so tightly inside their own specialties that they don't always think beyond what they know and treat. The PA actually sounded annoyed at my question (which annoyed me); that I might be doubting a doc -- horrors. The return call -- after she'd spoken to him -- was a bit better; he said if I wanted to check it out he'd refer me to a rheumatologist. I decided to go see the rheum my Mom sees, and we've already had one email exchange. More to come, but I'd like to have this evaluated and answered before I go bionic (which looks now like late January.)

Things lost

So I lost my ipod on the plane home from Toronto. Matt sent me his recommendation on a replacement (another nano or the itouch) and I'll order one of them today. And I finally did something about the lost earring. I'd lost one of the beautiful earrings that Nick got me on a plane from SF -- what is it with me and planes? The people at the local jewelry store where he'd bought them were incredibly helpful. Even though the original ones were no longer available I was able to find similar ones and use the single earring as a trade-in. A happy resolution.

Mad Men

DM News ran a 30th anniversary piece on the history of direct marketing (I was interviewed a few months back). They called the piece "Direct Mad Men" and apparently I'm one of them. They misspelled my name, referred to me as "he", but what the hell, it's ink. And I feel privileged to be mentioned in such exalted company.

http://www.dmnews.com/direct-mad-men-talk-of-transformation/article/158503/

Our first party

2009-11-29T07:07:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was all highs and lows. The low came early, when I felt a migraine coming on as we were waiting on line in Zeller's to pay for new glassware. Nick and I had gone out early to pick up my repaired boots at the shoemaker ($10 CDN for a complete repair and re-sole) and then get what we needed for the party later. I had the anti-migraine stuff with me, which helped, but I still needed an hour or two in a darkened room before I started to feel ok, which happened by early afternoon. While I was out, Nick and the girls went shopping at Pennington's for some clothes for Nikki (jeans and a shirt) and my kids set themselves up at different stations in the house to do homework.

By the afternoon it was better, and Nick and I shopped for snacks, beer and wine for later. When we got home everyone did their own thing (thang?) for a couple of hours and at about 4 we started to set up. The kids were great -- didn't even need to be asked. They set to work arranging platters, designing how and where the food should go, all cheerful ("a useful engine is a happy engine", or something like that from Thomas the Tank Engine.)

At about 5 everyone started to arrive, and by about 6 they were all here -- everyone we know on the Island. Randy and Alison were first, followed by Gloria and Eddie. Then came Susie, Donna and Norm and finally Nicole. It was great -- we had a blast. The house was full of people and conversation and laughing, and the kids spoke with everyone. We had a great time, and decided to make this an annual event. There was too much food (of course) and everyone who hadn't been here got a tour of the house, with all due accolades to Susie (who Liv adored: "Susie, don't go!) Nicole spent a lot of time with Nikki, Nick and I chatted with everyone, the kids were entirely engaged. We talked about wine-making (Eddie and Randy both make wine), and graphic novels (Donna and Norm's son is an accomplished graphic novelist -- his books are amazing) to clothes and Sex in the City to hip replacements and the Canadian health system to the economy to real estate to Scrabble and the postal service and the need for better restaurants in Summerside. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves; Nick and I certainly did and the kids had a blast. We'll make plans for Susie to come to NY (hurry and stay with us!) and follow up dinners and get-togethers and all manner of things. A great evening.

When everyone left and we'd cleaned up most of the stuff we played some Catch-phrase -- the youngest (Liv, Nikki, Jamie) vs the oldest (Matt, Nick, me.) Liv's motto: "retards rejoice!" and they won, to our chagrin. Nick and I didn't make it past 3 games, but they kids stayed up and kept playing.

And today we're off. We have a very civilized afternoon flight so the morning will be easy. Quite a difference from the Halloween trip when Nick and I were on the road at 3:30 a.m. We'll be sorry to leave, as always, and will set to work making plans for the next trip.

Adieu, PEI -- we think we will miss you most of all.

Fun and games

2009-11-28T07:27:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's other activity included games. Matt challenged Nick at ping pong. Nick won both games. Nikki, Jamie and I played darts. For some unknown reason I seemed to be winning before I had to quit to tend to the turkey. My good performance was nothing more than beginner's luck, and I passed my darts to Matt (not sure how he did.)

There hasn't been time for Scrabble, and we haven't broken out the Boggle or Jenga, but there's always today. We've had very few whining "I'm bored" moments; pretty miraculous considering the age of our kids. But there's always today.

American-Canadian Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T07:12:00.002-05:00

We did it! We had a great Thanksgiving dinner, with all the trimmings. Cooking began at about 9, when Nick and I started to prep. The kids started rolling in according to the usual sequence: Liv, Nikki, Jamie and finally Matt (that's been the order each day.) The kids helped with whatever tasks we gave them.

We cooked throughout the day, breaking only so Nick and I could drive into town and take care of a few errands (paying taxes and utilities, mostly) and only one more quick shopping for things we turned out to be missing (12-inch skillet, for one.) It poured all day, making it that much easier to spend the day inside cooking. The weather rained out the early evening block party that seems to be a tradition, which was for the best -- we had dinner uninterrupted.

Everything came out really well, much to our surprise, particularly the turkey which neither of us had cooked before. It came out well, crisp outside, moist and full of flavor inside. There were 2 kinds of potatoes (of course, this being PEI), stuffing, lots of roasted vegetables, cranberry relish (with pears and ginger) and more, more, more. Seemed like everyone loved everything, and the hope is that they'll love it as much today because we have a breathtaking amount of leftovers.

The kids helped with the cleaning -- some cheerfully, some grudgingly -- but no one was spared and we got it done quickly and efficiently.

After dinner we settled in to play Catch Phrase. Our first series broke by family, and I must say that the Lurries did well. Helps a lot that we share common memories. The girls were all on the same wavelength for anything to do with pop culture, Matt and I could read each other's mind on anything having to do with politics and history. The we broke up into different, non-familial teams to see what that would be like. It was Liv, Jamie and Matt on one side, Nick, Nikki and me on the other. Fun in a different way. Tremendous amount of laughing -- we'll always remember a blind James Earl Jones, the 15th President of the US, boob tubes and mammograms. Very fun, and we played for hours.

It's just after 8 here, and I'm the only one awake. I love the quiet morning here, with no sounds besides birdsong and the tapping of my typing.

Later today we'll go shopping for everything we need for tonight's wine/beer and snacks get-together, scheduled for 5:00. Probably about 10 people plus us, which should be nice.

And then tomorrow we head home. Before we leave Charlottetown we're going to have lunch at the Old Triangle -- the Irish bar we found last time which was memorable for two reasons: our favorite Celtic fiddler Roy plays there on Sunday, and Liv had a Mediterranean penne dish she still raves about. Mediterranean pasta in an Irish pub in PEI -- why not?

planning and prepping

2009-11-27T07:20:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was fun -- lots of fun. Nick and I were up early working on menus and shopping lists, while the kids slept. By about 11:30 everyone was up, and hungry, and consensus was reached that going to a dinner for breakfast was the way to go. We found ourselves at Maid Marian's diner, where our group ordered dishes including the Sherwood Forest Special and similarly-themed breakfast plates. Very generous and very cheap -- whole plates of eggs, toast, potatoes (pronounced of course as "padadas") for about $5.

From there to the magical kingdom of Sobeys for the shopping. The kids love it there, and we managed to find everything -- even the more obscure ingredients -- plus the ridiculous number of snacks everyone needs to have at their fingertips.

In the afternoon, everything was put away and we split into groups. Liv and Nikki went to the tatoos place: for Nikki there were some revisions she needed and --horror of horrors -- an empty spot on her back. Liv only wanted her cartilage pierced. Matt and Jamie played games, Nick and I read until we joined them for a pretty funny game of Catch Phrase, which we only stopped because of a drop-by from Randy and Allison, who brought us some homemade candy and got to chat with us and the kids.

Dinner at Lot 30 in Charlottetown, driving through fog so thick it reminded me of nothing but "Long Day's Journey." Dinner was excellent and everyone really enjoyed it.

By the time we got home it was after 10 and Nick and I retired to bed while the kids stayed up and hung out. Don't expect to see them for a few hours. Shortly I'll start the cooking -- I want to do the stuffing and all the sides this morning so we can devote the afternoon to the turkey. It's my first one; even with all the Thanksgivings I've done I've been spared the actual turkey -- my mom and aunt always provided. So we'll figure it out, using the many magazines we've brought here.

Dinner will be interrupted when the neighbors gather at our house for a tradition that includes putting up the holiday signs and a parade which culminates at someone's home for hot drinks. The kids may not join but out of neighborliness we will, and we'll invite them to tomorrow's wine/beer and cheese gathering (downgraded from a cocktail party after we realized that we'd like to do this in a way as nice as possible with the least possible amount of work.)

O Canada!

Our Thanksgiving menu, in development

2009-11-26T08:29:00.002-05:00

Here's what it looks like, so far:

Roast turkey
apple stuffing
baked sweet potatoes
roasted vegetables
maple-glazed carrots
crispy roast potatoes
cranberries with pears and ginger
salad
some sort of pasta thing, tbd (for Nick's kids)

We'll probably just buy bread and dessert. Matt is the most accomplished cook of the kids -- he'll be put to work independently. Liv can help (though her attention span is limited.) Nikki will help Nick (skills rudimentary) and Jamie has offered to help with cleaning, since cooking isn't in her wheelhouse. Lots of potatoes in the meal, as both a tribute to PEI's major crop and the fact that all our kids love potatoes, no matter how prepared.

In a couple of hours we'll head to Sobey's to shop (Liv loves that store so much that we are forbidden to go there without her.)

Should be a fun and unique Thanksgiving.

Matt gets punk'd

2009-11-26T07:30:00.002-05:00

We got here without incident. Flights were on time and we managed to have fun during the layover in Montreal -- we perched in a cafe and talked and laughed. Got to PEI by 5, local time, and decided to have dinner at Brothers 2 before we went home. Over dinner, we started to tell Matthew what to expect at the house -- very basic, intermittent electricity ("did you bring candles?"), heat only on alternate days, no laundry, hard water, unfinished construction ("we're hoping it's done by now"), and that really it was best to think of the place as a trailer. As we neared the house we really had him going and he was asking why no one told him this and we said that was simple: he might not have come. He was pretty panicked as we turned the last corner, and we were laughing our heads off. Nick said he'd wanted to tell him but that I stopped him. Matt's anxious response: Nick -- I always liked you best.

Then we arrived, and walked in the front door. He was in equal measure blown away and relieved and immediately happy and at home. He took the tour and then made himself at home. He loved everything and once he relaxed said that he could imagine us spending less and less time in NY. Great fun.

We hung out a while and then the kids went downstairs to play darts and we went upstairs to read. For Nick a new book about infantrymen in the Second World War, for me the new book "Bright-Sided" by Barbara Ehrenreich.

It's about 8 a.m. now, and only Nick and I are up. We'll work out the Thanksgiving menu and then shop later.

It was a good travel day.

How the pie came out

2009-11-22T17:32:00.001-05:00

The Emperor Brutus

2009-11-22T08:30:00.002-05:00

The Emperor Jones was astonishing. Brilliantly staged and acted and so intense that when it ended there was stone-cold silence; it took the audience a few moments to collect themselves and start what became thunderous and protracted applause. I loved it. Nick -- not so much, but that was because he was tired (woken by a car crash and concomitant dog barking) the night before, and because the seats were so uncomfortable (they were.) But wow. Wow. Wow.

Today stretches ahead. Nick and Holly are going to the park. I'm working and catching up, and then in the late morning I'll start an apple pie. It's Nick Malgieri's recipe and he's never steered me false. Then a lazy afternoon (during yesterday's lazy part of the afternoon we watched the new "Taking of Pelham 123" -- fun, diverting movie.) After that Liv has SAT tutoring and then we're off to dinner. I've got a running list of topics darting restlessly in my head: Liv's talent agent meeting, Matt's travels over the break and study-abroad plans, Holly, status updates. It'll be fine. If not fun, I'll take fine. I'm the only one among the three of us who isn't nervous. I feel the same way about it than I do about any meeting I attend (once you strip out my belief that any meeting I'm in is my meeting -- hmmm, wonder where Liv gets it from.)

We'll also probably do some pre-packing for Canada, though Nick and I have brought and left so much up there that we can pack light. What a pleasure that is.

Let the healthcare reform debate begin!

Week's end

2009-11-21T08:44:00.002-05:00

So Liv has a meeting with the talent agency on 12/7. She's breathless with excitement, though from her comments and questions it's clear that she thinks this is her meeting, which of course it is not. When I told her she was being seen for print, her comment was: "but I don't want to do print! By the way, what is print?"

By the 7th -- a day we hope won't live in infamy -- she'll have spent some time with Jen to prep her and she should be ready. Timing's nice in that we have our 3-way dinner tomorrow night with her dad and the more good things that happen for her the easier it should be. Maybe, marginally. I'll play the connective-tissue fill-in-any-conversation-gaps role, which isn't much of a stretch for me.

This weekend should be lovely. We were meant to have dinner last night with Lamia and Mirwan, but they had houseguests so we're rescheduled for a few weeks. Tonight we go to see The Emperor Jones at the Irish Rep -- very psyched. And of course dinner tomorrow. I'll be doing as much take-out as eat-in (we're going to Ben's): a sandwich for Nick and a bunch of stuff for Matt, who'll get here Tuesday night for our journey up north.

All the kids are so excited for our trip, which is delightful. We fly Wednesday morning.

I'm circling in on scheduling the hip replacement surgery. We're aiming for mid-to-late January at HSS and I'm waiting for specifics.

And the beat goes on.

I go to the doctor

2009-11-18T07:17:00.003-05:00

We went yesterday to see Jose. I expected a review and conversation about my three options, but that wasn't how it went. He did an exam, showed me the xray from the arthrogram and said I really have no choice but the hip replacement -- that what I have is a very arthritic hip and nothing else will work. He explained -- and this helped me understand -- that the damaged labrum actually caused this arthritis to develop so quickly and so severely.

Before we could even ask questions he anticipated and answered (most of them.) Time in hospital: 3 days. Time out of work: 3-4 weeks. Restrictions after recovery: none except for the most extreme yoga positions. Implant material: titanium and ceramic. Location and length of scar: he showed us. Length of surgery itself: about an hour and a half. Hospitals where he operates: Lenox Hill and HSS, my choice. Length of time the implant will last: 20+ years.

There were a few things he didn't explain and I didn't ask: what the rehab is like, for one, but there will be time for that. The discussion was quick, and most of the info just swirled around me and didn't penetrate. That's happening now. So I'll think about it for a day or so and then call to schedule. I really don't have any choice: the status quo is intolerable and nothing else is guaranteed to work. This is.

Film at 11.

Liv gets a bite

2009-11-16T19:39:00.002-05:00

From an agent, who received the comp card from Jen today. It all happened quickly: Liv came to the office, visited with Jen, who emailed the card to CESD (happily also Liv's boyfriend's agent), who liked what they saw and want to schedule a meeting. Liv's feet haven't touched the ground since 6 this evening when we found out.

And Matt's study-abroad efforts are progressing. He's successfully clearing the hurdles of the process, and all signs point to a semester in Shanghai followed by a semester in Manchester. His timing is impeccable, given the role and importance of China in the world. Also very very cool. The timing of his interests has been unerring lately: for a career he wants to work in public policy specializing in education and health care. Could he be interested in anything more relevant?

Both these developments are very cool and very exciting. I'm so psyched for them both. And it should make our upcoming Thanksgiving trip smoother and more cheerful.

Another week, full and rich

2009-11-14T08:29:00.007-05:00

It's been an interesting, meaty week. Very productive, from a work point of view, and busy from dawn til dusk. Some events of note include:

Last night

We had a lovely evening. Nick and I met at a bar called the Carnegie Club for a couple of glasses of wine before dinner. It's actually a smoking bar (Mayor Bloomberg, are you listening?) and once the place filled up it had an atavistic quality. Dark and smoky, the place was inviting. Apparently there's a dress code, and Nick was quietly chided for not wearing a collar. But they were subtle about it, so it was fine. From there we went to dinner at Beacon, a Waldy Malouf restaurant, all about grilling and wood roasting. Quite good. The main event was a production of Synge's play "The Playboy of the Western World" at City Center. We were pleasantly surprised (one review I read called it "ponderous") at how light and witty it was. Nicely done and we really enjoyed it. Overheard a woman next to us say that she was seeing "The Emperor Jones" next week, which was amusing because so are we. We liked this theater. Even though it's part of City Center it's a small, intimate venue (it's Stage II.) This was the first play in a four-play series that also includes upcoming plays by GBS and others, and we may do a subscription for the rest.

Today and tonight

We leave mid-day for NJ to attend a wedding: it's the daughter of someone I work with. Should be fun -- we'll get all dressed up and go play there. Liv has a concert tonight. She's seeing Peaches (who?) at Terminal 5. Tomorrow will be lower-key than the rest of the weekend. We have no plans save a house visit from Linda and a new client. Otherwise it'll be a hang-out day, and instead of doing our usual Sunday night cooking we'll go have Indian food, which Liv has had a poorly-concealed hankering for all week.

Three choices, all bad

I spoke with Jose (hip ortho) on Tuesday evening. This was our first chat since last Friday's x-ray guided injection. For all the subtlety and sophistication of medicine this measure seemed pretty basic -- gross, not fine. If the shot gives pain relief, then the problem is in the hip. If no relief, then not the hip. Hmmm. Jose said I have three choices, and in his words they all suck. They are:

a. do nothing and live with this a while
b. have another arthroscopy and see if there's a new tear
c. have a hip replacement

As aggressive and scary as option c sounds, it has more logic behind it. Option a is a Hobson's choice -- no choice at all. Option b is a half-measure; if there's no tear or anything else that can be addressed arthroscopically it will have been a waste. Option c at least guarantees that the hip pain will disappear, with the hip. I'm going to see him during the week so we can talk it though. I'll probably get another opinion, though that seems to be a fool's errand. Orthopedics follows a protocol which begins with the least aggressive treatment and moves inexorably to the most aggressive, though most people get relief along the way.

And I've done everything -- everything -- that the protocol calls for. This includes the most benign options like nsaids and mild painkillers, to physical therapy. It includes the medium-range options like injections of cortisone, both in the bursa and in the joint itself. And finally I've done the most aggressive of the least-aggressive options (also the gateway to major interventions): arthoscopic surgery. There are simply no other options available. But I'll get another opinion, see Isis (Joe's witch doctor) and do anything else that seems responsible and sober before I make the decision. But like political non-apology apologies, this is starting to seem like a non-decision decision.

More to come.

A military promotion

Whitney got a promotion! She's no longer a private first class -- now she's a specialist. We'll have to address the letters and packages differently, and we'll tuck in a congratulations gift in the next shipment.

Two other things of note:

http://www.facebook.com/StopJoe

I heard about this on Countdown, and immediately signed up. At the facebook site I saw lots of people I know, and this was definitely an effort worth supporting.

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

I've never even thought about Kate Moss, let alone quoted her, but I saw this on huffingtonpost and found it a pithy way to express how I feel about eating. Well done, Kate.

Holly's facebook

2009-11-08T09:26:00.002-05:00

Here are Holly's friends, courtesy of one of the regular park-goers. He has trouble remembering her name, but here she is with her crew: dogsinthepark.info

Such a beautiful morning

2009-11-08T07:57:00.004-05:00

What a joy to wake up this morning and learn that the bill passed the House! I woke up early -- 5 or so -- and started wondering what had happened over night. I couldn't stay in bed any longer because my curiosity got the better of me. It's a great leap forward (use of that Maoist phrase amuses me, but not as much as when I hear a Republican use the words "let a thousand flowers bloom.")

Yesterday was a great day; lots of fun. We got done everything we needed to, including stopping at the jeweler to see if they could replace the earring I lost on the plane to SF two weeks ago. We hung out with Liv and Jon, played much Scrabble (Nick won one game and I won four -- as always he hates it when he wins because of what has historically always come next: crushing defeat.)

Saw a movie we really enjoyed -- The Informant. Very well done. Liv was encouraging us to see Where the Wild Things are, but we went our own way.

I was wrong about the percentage of pain reduction the anesthetic provided. It was one of those "you don't know what you got till it's gone" things. When it wore off and as the doc said I was back to my baseline, I realized how much relief I'd really gotten. Not 33% -- more like 5--60%. Nick is hopeful that what we now recognize as two problems (hip and back) can be addressed conservatively: the hip via cortisone which should make it easier to do rehab for my back. It would be great if he were right, but after a year and a half of this it's hard not to be skeptical. But we'll see.

Today will be fun, just fractured. Nick's taking Holly to the park now, and I'll do some work. Midday he'll leave for the island and I'll meet Sarah. Liv has SAT tutoring early afternoon and then we'll go on the (dreaded) errand to Verizon. When we're all back we'll cook dinner: I'm making the salami rosemary bread Nick and Liv love, and he'll make a great Sunday sauce for pasta. We're packing up stuff to send Whitney, and I heard from our boy soldier, who seemed down because of the mail delays. We'll wait till he gets package #1 before we ship more. Whitney has no problems with mail (and certainly not with email.)

More to come.

I'll see you in health! (Thanks, Steven Colbert)

2009-11-07T08:07:00.003-05:00

The latest? I went to Lenox Hill Radiology yesterday for the hip injection. The place and people didn't have the same warm-bath-you're-in-good-and-caring-hands as some other facilities I've gone to. The big city hospital feeling gave me more of a sense of being processed than cared for.

It was quick -- a couple of small injections (all of which I felt) followed by the larger needles with the anesthetic, the cortisone and the dye. The anesthetic worked instantly, and I walked out of the hospital with less pain than I had when I entered. The doc said that'll last a day (it's already gone) but that the steroids will kick in anywhere between two and five days later.

I estimate about a 33% reduction in pain, which means I suppose that my problem is 33% in my hip, the remainder in my back. This week I'll speak with hip guy, and encourage a meeting between him, spine guy and me. We'll see if they're open to it.

But it's the weekend. We have stuff to do to catch up on errands and to-do's. We may go to a movie tonight, and tomorrow Nick will see Jamie (to tell him what he already knows: that she doesn't want to go back to college but instead wants to go to beauty school and learn to do hair), and I'll meet Sarah for coffee to catch up.

When Liv is awake and alert (which will be many hours from now) I'll talk to her about arranging our three-way get together with her dad, which I want to happen in the next couple of weeks, before Thanksgiving.

No, it can't be because of our gun laws

2009-11-07T07:57:00.003-05:00

Horrifically violent week. The tragedy of Fort Hood is beyond comprehension, and then to find that there were two incidents (Orlando, Waukesha) that came hard on the heels of the massacre is beyond imagination.

Whitney wrote me about their take on Fort Hood:

that is madness. the army is now going to organize some time of class that is going to be mandatory monthly to add on to the suicide prevention classes and i'm sure there is going to be a lot of madness going on in the structure of the army too. See whenever incidents like this happen the army takes action but it isn't always the greatest action... it's going to be pointless whatever they decide to do but they will think its going to help. I'm sorry but i don't really believe suicide prevention classes will help to much, if someone has it in their head they are going to off themselves and its not just to get attention, they will do it. Unbelievable that this man just hauled off and massacred a bunch of soldiers who were at an SRP center! I'm dumbfounded and its so terrible that we are hear and nothing that bad is happening but now we have to worry about what nut bags are in the states.

A thorough nightmare. And it was a dreadful week in other ways (if not for us personally.) The teabaggers and their hate, the instant reaction of right-wing talk radio to the tragedy, the rise of the conservative movement and the melding of them with the remaining shreds of the GOP -- it's odious.

The tea party movement reminds me of nothing so much as George Orwell's 1984, always one of my favorite books. There have been Orwellian connections in government and politics for some time, particularly during the Bush administration, with its doublethink, perpetual warfare and the use of fear to unite the country. But it's the hate that brings 1984 to mind -- the way that the party transformed everyone's desires and passions into fear and loathing and then harnessed that hate in service of the state. It's the Two Minutes Hate, all day and night. People on the right are exploiting fear and hate, but let's see what happens: once you've created a mob and whipped it into fury, it's hard to control.

Canada looks better and better.

Friday

2009-11-06T07:33:00.004-05:00

It's been a good week. Busy on all fronts -- my work, Nick's work, Liv's school -- but productive and with the right momentum. Liv's school concert was Wednesday night at a church near Lincoln Center. My parents joined me for the event, and it was absolutely wonderful. The choruses sang a range of classical songs, peppered with a few traditional spirituals and one pop song (the very cute Build me up buttercup.) All together a great evening.

Tonight we were meant to go see the Royal Family, but my diagnostic hip injection was rescheduled for this afternoon, so I gave away our tickets to my new assistant. It wasn't the play we were most looking forward to (that distinction is currently held by the new production of O'Neill's "The Emperor Jones") so it was an easy decision to make.

It'll be a nice, easy weekend. Errands and other stuff we're behind on because we were away last weekend. Lots of playing time and hanging out time. Liv's going tonight to what she ironically refers to as the world premier of her boyfriend's film -- the movie he and his friends made during their summer program at the NY film academy. Nick is having brunch with his daughter Jamie on Sunday, and I may see Sarah for coffee.

Spoke at length to Matt yesterday, and he sounded better than he has since he parachuted in to Amherst. He got the swine flue vaccine because the school identified him as high risk. He was funny -- said the shot had no side effects save one: he was suddenly filled with undying love for President Obama and a desire to work for him in any way he could. I laughed my head off.

He's much more focused in his academic and career interests: he wants to work in policy on education and health care. I'm impressed. And he's got a girlfriend. Nothing improves your mood like a new relationship. She also has a circle of friends he really likes, who are (of course) politically engaged. So all good on that front.

How we almost won $30,000 CDN, but didn't

2009-11-01T07:44:00.002-05:00

Nick bought Canadian scratch-off games -- we play them here all the time, particularly the Scrabble-like ones. He bought one we'd never seen, based on Boggle. Very confusing but we thought we figured it out. When we finished the ticket and scratched the boxes that seemed to indicate what we'd won, we were shocked. One box said $3 (ok), one said $75 (nice) but the astonishing one was the box that said $30,000. Nick was so excited he could barely breathe. I held my excitement, just in case. I think he was already spending the money in his mind, and we decided to go to the nearest Kwik-way to find out. Our heads were filled with math -- splitting the money, guessing at taxes. The clerk at the shop scanned the card and told us we'd only won the $3 -- apparently we accidentally scratched one of the wrong boxes. It was an exciting 10 minutes, anyway. Nick didn't feel better when the clerk said he'd had a recent customer with a similar experience who ended up winning nothing -- at least we had the $3. The receipt for that win now lives in our memory box, to remind us of our folly. And there was a clue that we missed; if we'd noticed we'd have known we couldn't have won. The ticket said the max prize was $30,000 -- our supposed winnings totaled $30,078. It was all there in front of us but we missed it. We laughed and laughed and laughed.

The rest of the weekend was great. Halloween was fun. Susan came over for drinks, and we had a great time. Then the official trick-or-treat window opened, and we had about 30 kids. We suspect that fear of swine flu suppressed the normal activity. Everyone we talked to was worried about the flu, and in everything we read while we were away it seemed the entire country was obsessed.

We left Sunday morning, on a 6:00 a.m. flight. Brutally early -- that's how our day began. The alarm went off at 3:30 but we were both already awake. Of course we were happy at the other end of the trip when we were home before noon and had the whole day (though we were a little too tired and foggy to really enjoy it.) But a great weekend. We also did some pre-planning and pre-shopping for our November visit. We're going to have a little cocktail party and invite everyone we know (pretty short list, but it's a start) over for drinks and snacks.

Waking up in Canada

2009-10-31T07:52:00.005-04:00

Is lovely. We sleep so well here. It's quieter than home -- much. And our room stays dark till we open the blinds. I think we slept 12 hours the first night and about 11 last night. Yesterday was a great day. Woke up late, and took our time. Then went into town to do errands (mostly prep for the next visit.) We paid our bills in person, went to the bank, which is charmingly old fashioned -- tellers who seem to know everyone's name and most things done with paper and pen.

We saw Susan at her shop, and will get together later today for a cocktail, before the mongol hordes (also known as trick-or-treaters) descend between 6 and 8, which is when our neighbor Donna told us is the witching hour.

Found a terrific new restaurant in Charlottetown called Lot 30. Lovely, sophisticated place with delicious food -- a real find. Today we have a few things to do, and Randy will be stopping by. We decided to do a cocktail party for our friends and neighbors (it's a short list) when we're back in November, so we'll start that planning.

Lots of Scrabble playing (I'm on a winning streak) and lots of reading. Nick is reading Battle for America 2008, and enjoying it. I'm reading two books at once: a linguistics book by Henry Hitchings about how English became English and the new SuperFreakonomics (loved the first one.) Nick and I were talking about what we were reading last night and I think he was mildly shocked when I casually meantioned that English is considered the whore of languages.

Weather is relatively mild, for this place at this time. We'll enjoy our last full day before flying back tomorrow morning. That flight leaves Charlottetown at 6 a.m., so it'll be an early night for us tonight to allow us to wake up at 3:30 (gulp) to make that flight.

While in Sobey's yesterday (our main supermarket) I got a call from Jose, my hip guy. We've been trading calls and messages since I first started trying to reach him early in the week. I thought he was a logical next step on my diagnosis/pain/resolution journey. When I described what's going on (hip pain in my groin so sharp it doubles me over, plus other stuff) he said it's time for a diagnostic injection in the front of my hip. That apparently will tell us once and for all (yes, I've heard that before) if it's hip. The spine doc thinks it's hip impingement, known formally as FAI: femoroacetabular impingement. Fancy name. Essentially I think it means the hip doesn't really fit the joint.

That procedure is scheduled for Friday afternoon, so we'll see.

Ever onward.

And we're off!

2009-10-29T07:01:00.004-04:00

To PEI, today. We leave for the airport soon and start our journey to the North. It's been a busy week. Nick's got over 40 cases for October (a near-record but then again the month isn't quite over.) I was in SF Monday and Tuesday and returned to NY in the middle of the night. I had dinner with my brother in SF Monday night, which was great. Asia de Cuba -- ridiculously expensive, almost offensively so in this economy, but it was special.

Whitney received -- and loved -- the first care package we sent. Most noteworthy items were the peanut butter-filled pretzels (they didn't make it past the first night) and a copy of Vanity Fair (apparently a favorite among the men in her unit.) Nick sent her the next package on Tuesday. She and Liv are happily messaging on Facebook and she and I email nearly every day. Things seem to be heating up in Iraq, which is worrisome. We hear it both in the news and in her emails.

Nothing still from boy soldier. He should receive his first package in the next day or so, so hope to hear more after that.

More to come when we're settled dans Ile du Prince Edouard.

It will be great to have even a few days away, not only for all the usual reasons but because of our horror at Senator Lieberman's antics -- we need some distance and calm, Canadian perspective.

Creative Drama

2009-10-25T09:46:00.002-04:00

Last night was great. We met Gena at the theater (in driving rain, but no matter) and then went to see Circle Mirror Transformation. Really enjoyable -- well conceived, well written, well performed. The small theater was packed and the audience was engaged and appreciative. Much fun.

After we went to bar -- I think it was Le Petit Cafe Un Deux Trois -- for cocktails. French martini for me, and margaritas for Nick and Gena. It gave us time to catch up. Gena and I were reminiscing about plays we used to see when we were first living together in the city after college. I remember some weird performance art production we saw on the lower east side. Tickets were $4, and the only thing I can recall is that the performers cracked raw eggs on themselves. Gena didn't remember that one.

Liv went with Jon's brother Joe on a mission to feed the hungry. It was sponsored by Joe's synagogue, and involved food prep and then driving around to distribute the food. The first text she sent me said that her job at that point was to watch eggs boil (I told her how that sounded strenuous and not to hurt herself.) Sounds like it got more interesting later.

I'm very proud of Liv and her devotion to service. She's always had a tender and generous heart, as far back as I can remember. She is now involved in two clubs at school -- one an established club that works with the Red Cross. The other is a new one she's helping shape, where they will select different organizations and initiatives. She was voted vice president, but found out Friday that the president has mono and the energy in the group is to make her president. She has strong leadership qualities so I'm not surprised.

Today will be fun -- we'll hang out, shop for dinner, see Sarah and Toby for cocktails, then cook (one of two dishes as I haven't decided yet. Either the Syrian chicken or the Vietnamese curry. Nick gets heartburn just hearing about it.)

We like the Sunday evening cooking routine, and Liv loves it. Will see which dish we pick and how it turns out.

Becoming social

2009-10-23T17:29:00.006-04:00

It's good to be back in circulation. This weekend Gena will join us when we go to see a new play called "Circle Mirror Transformation." She may move out here, which would be amazing (though knowing the universe -- my universe, not Nick's -- we'll finally get an accepted offer on the house as soon as she moves in.)

And on Sunday we'll have cocktails with Sarah and Toby. Drinks will be early because we all like to cook on Sunday nights, and I also have a super-early flight to SF Monday morning. Liv has requested an old recipe we used to make for a chicken stew with orange, potatoes, raisins and figs. I've got that one ready, but I also found a new recipe for a Vietnamese chicken curry with sweet potatoes. She and Nick can fight it out; I'm fine either way.

This coming week will be intense. I'm out West until late Tuesday night (after midnight.) I'll work part or all of Wednesday, and then Thursday we fly up North to our beloved PEI.

Confounded and vexed

2009-10-20T17:10:00.004-04:00

That's what the doc said when I saw him for my 6-week post-op checkup. He also used the phrase "at a loss." Not encouraging words from a surgeon trying to understand why I'm still having so much pain.

What was more disturbing than his confoundment was his suggestion that the problem could be with my hip - haven't we seen this movie? Or the sacro-iliac joint -- wasn't that what sent me into the useless, pointless exercise in x-ray guided injections?

I left there with vague instructions: see how it is in a month and start rehab in the meantime. If there's no improvement, schedule all-new MRI's. This time -- 3 of them (hip, spine, SI) and at HSS, because they are apparently the best at the trickier SI one.

So here we are, in a place I never anticipated, where my docs are flummoxed. Calling Dr. House! One thing I never thought I had was a medical mystery. The docs seemed quite sure at the time they pronounced a diagnosis. It's your hip, says the hip guy. It's your sacroiliac joint, says the pain guy. It's your spine, says the spine guy.

Reminds me of the old story of the blind men and the elephant.

So now what we're thinking about is a meeting, where we'd gather the two main docs, the two of us and all the relevant films in the same room at the same time to talk this through and hammer it out. That's precisely how I'd address a problem like this at work: a focused discussion with all the stakeholders and evidence where we don't adjourn until we have a plan.

So I set wheels in motion -- maybe. I called Jose (hip guy) and left a message. Of all the actors in my playlet he seems the most empathetic and approachable, so I'll float this idea with him. He's traveling, so I don't expect a conversation (let alone a resolution) till next week.

It's a boy!

2009-10-19T18:30:00.006-04:00

Our new soldier, that is. His name is Robert, though he calls himself Chris (no idea why -- yet.) He's a sergeant in Iraq on his second deployment, and is currently at Camp Ramadi. Will find out what his MOS is (that's military for "job".)

His emails and Whitney's couldn't be more different. They both play to type. She's chatty and full of questions, writes nearly every day, each note a long one.

Chris's response to my introductory email was brief but touching:

I am at Camp Ramadi. West of Baghdad. First of all I would like to thank you for all your support. It means so much to us over here just knowin that you all care this much, to send us the items that make our deployment that much easier. Saying that I will be happy with whatever you would like to send. Surprises are always the best.

Brevity is the soul of wit. Men are from Mars, etc. Vive la difference. But so sweet in an entirely different way.

We packed up two care packages last night: his and hers. His will go out today, and we'll wait a bit to send Whitney's; she should get the first one in the next day or so. Nick choose the magazines for Chris -- all sports related. The auto racing one looks to me like borderline porn, but what do I know?

Thornton Wilder

2009-10-18T09:11:00.002-04:00

Last night we saw a production of five of his short plays. It was terrific -- they had Wilder's ironic wit and dealt with the subjects that interested him: relationships between people, relationships between people and money, relationships between people and God. Very well done, and very enjoyable. A lovely dinner before in hell's kitchen, though not at the place I'd planned. I'd made reservations online for what I thought was 44 x 10, but I actually made them for its sister restaurant 44 1/2. Didn't much matter, because the restaurant was really good. But oops.

The playbill announced auditions for a production of plays by teens for teens, and we gave that info to Liv -- she's psyched, convinced that her stardom is right around the corner just waiting to be discovered.

We had to do a bit more walking than I'm ready to do, and I feel it today. But since its a dreary rainy day it doesn't matter too much. All we've got scheduled for today is our usual stuff, plus cleaning up before some people come to see the house this afternoon, and cooking.

Holly reached a new level of achievement yesterday. She managed to jump onto our bed, which is no small thing for her. It's pretty high off the ground, and she of course is very low to the ground, and she worked and worked till she made it. Once she did, she was so exhausted that she fell asleep on the bed, until she woke up to throw up, at which point everything was at sixes and sevens.

So Saturday was eventful, in good ways. And Sunday stretches ahead.

Why I write

2009-10-17T09:08:00.003-04:00

My friend Janet asks a good question: how does it feel to write this blog and develop content, and for whom am I writing? She posits the question I've been thinking about since I started.

It began very simply: I'd written an article and wanted to see if I could get broader distribution if I posted it, so that it would show up when people searched for me on Google. But it quickly changed from a distribution channel to a communication one.

At first it seemed like I was keeping a journal, but I made myself remember that while a journal is private, a blog is anything but. And here's where vanity comes in. I'm too vain to be satisfied with writing in private. I crave feedback and reactions to both the writing and the stories.

And I love stories. I love telling them and hearing them. And this is a perfect medium for story-telling. I can write in a quick episodic style or I can tell a long, complex story -- blogs are porous and endlessly forgiving. I now experience the world through the blog filter. As things happen (or don't), as ideas emerge (or don't) I think of them in terms of blog posts.

Of course there are more prosaic reasons to do this. It's an easy way to keep people up to date on what we're doing, which is particularly useful during a busy, active period like our cycling trip. Some of my friends have commented that it's great for knowing what's going on, because our phone calls are necessarily brief and we don't get together as much as we'd like.

Blog on.

Ah...the weekend

2009-10-16T19:53:00.002-04:00

All weekends are welcome; this one is even more welcome than usual ("all animals are created equal; some are more equal than others." Apologies to George Orwell.)

Long, intense week though it was both a productive and successful one. Lots of hum and buzz and activity, which is just how I like it.

We sent Whitney her first care package, and today I received an email from the organization asking for more sponsors. They've got far more soldiers than sponsors, and the note included a heartbreaking statistic that 25-30% of soldiers receive no mail. I got the message, and signed up for another soldier.

Nick is buried in work, which is the very definition of a high-class problem. And in two weeks we head up North, to the magical land of PEI where everything is easy and calm and fine. Can't wait. We've been warned by a neighbor that Halloween is quite the event, and she told us to expect at least 100 trick-or-treaters. Sobey's here we come, to pile on the candy.

Tomorrow night we're off to dinner in hell's kitchen before we see a production of Thornton Wilder's short plays in preview. I'm psyched -- I've always been a fan. And on Sunday we're going to attempt to cook a dish from Wednesday's NY Times. It's for homemade strozzapretti (I love that word; it means "strangled priests.") We'll see how it goes.

Other than that it'll be a lovely weekend, regardless of weather. Nick and I both have lots of work to do, Liv will be around, we'll rest and relax and read and play (I'm on a Scrabble winning streak that may be of Nick's creation -- beware the law of unintended consequences -- when he told me that he thought I was slipping.)

Happy weekend to all.

I am wrong

2009-10-12T15:11:00.007-04:00

It turns out -- to my delight -- that I was very much mistaken when I wrote that I wasn't from a military family. Apparently, I am.

To wit:

Both my grandfathers enlisted in the First World War. Both were privates, and as immigrants obtained their citizenship through military service. They returned healthy and unharmed after fighting in Europe (Italy and France) for their tours.

My mom's brother Phillip enlisted during the Second World War. Cpl. Phillip Sachs was killed in the Battle of the Bulge in 1944 at age 20.

My dad was drafted for the Korean War, 1953-55, and was stationed at Fort Dix, Valley Forge Army Hospital and Walter Reed Medical Center. He was honorably discharged.

There's more, and I'll look into it further. But I'm happy to set the record straight.

If anyone else wants to adopt a soldier

2009-10-11T10:44:00.002-04:00

Here's the link: http://adoptaussoldier.org/

It's free, except what you spend on care packages. Easy to enroll. Totally worthwhile.

Frederick Douglass

2009-10-11T07:32:00.005-04:00

We saw a terrific play last night: Frederick Douglass Now, at the Irish Arts Center. A one-man show that's quite incredible. Also brief -- just an hour! The actor/writer was in the lobby afterward, which was cool. Highly recommend it. It's playing in repertory with The Cambria, which we may also try to see.

We've got the care package to Whitney nearly ready to go. We filled a box with snacks, toiletries and magazines, and Nick will take it to the post office Tuesday. Also a birthday card -- she's got one coming up. She's a great pen pal and her emails are really sweet.

Now we're fully engaged in the fall, with lots of plans. I always feel better when we've got lots of plans, so we're now scheduled for lots of dinners with friends, a bunch of plays and the upcoming trip to PEI. Some really interesting plays opening and playing, including rare revivals of Thornton Wilder's short plays (including Pullman Car Hiawatha!) and Synge's Playboy of the Western World. And tickets are pretty cheap, one of the boons of a troubled economy.

Nick goes on a diet, and other updates

2009-10-09T14:44:00.006-04:00

Nick goes on a diet

First, some background. Nick's weight fluctuates between the 225-235 range. At 225 he's elated (though worried that an illness -- not calorie reduction -- is driving the weight loss, even though he dramatically reduces his calories) and is ready to eat. 225 is as scarce as hen's teeth, if I'm being honest. At 235 he worries that he's too heavy. All the play is in the in-between range.

When he sees one of the numbers in the danger zone, he diets. What that means to him is that he cuts back on everything -- breakfast, snacks, etc. No surprise -- he starts to feel deprived and therefore deserving -- and the whole thing goes to hell. Sometimes he can handle about a week of the dieting before he caves, sometimes, as in just this week, only a day or two. And he confesses every transgression, even though I don't ask. Day 2 of this week's diet includes a chocolate bar, a large cookie, what sounds to me like a gougere, and a chocolate milk shake with vanilla ice cream.

He'll get back on the scale today, and we'll see where we are in the cycle. The good news for him is that he loses weight with astonishing alacrity; a day or two and he's back to where he wants to be, or close enough.

Why I'm not writing about my back

I'm bored. It's settled into a pattern where every day is pretty much the same. The swelling is significantly down, and now I'm free of all the post-op pain, lethargy and discomfort. What I still have is the old pain. Not the pain I had the month or so before the surgery, but the pain of about six months before -- deep deep in my lower back and in my leg. I go back to the doc in about two weeks and I'll know what the story is: whether this is normal and will disappear, whether this will endure, whether the surgery even worked (there turns out to be a condition called "post-laminectomy syndrome", or in it's older incarnation "failed back surgery." It's more than a little disturbing that unsuccessful spine surgeries are common enough and specific enough to be considered a syndrome.) We'll see.

Whitney

We're now in daily contact with our soldier. She sent photos yesterday, and today I'll return the favor. Liv and I will do some shopping for her care package, and Nick will send it off this week to Iraq. She's in the military police, doing dangerous work in a very dangerous part of Iraq. The photos show her before she shipped out and then after, in uniform. I'm really glad we started this.

Matt

He came in for the weekend, and because of Columbus Day he'll be here till Tuesday. It'll be interesting to see the dynamic this weekend between him and Liv; they will avoid each other to the greatest degree possible. The house is big but not that big, so it'll be quite a trick if they can miss each other completely. He was happy to be home. I'd made Moroccan chickpea soup the other day and he loved it, and we hung out and -- as is our wont -- watched the Newshour on PBS and talked politics. Of course he's unhappy that the President won the Nobel prize. Of course he's deeply skeptical that decent health care reform will pass. Of course he maintains his belief that Hillary would have been a far better president. Ah, to be 20 -- to be doctrinaire and completely certain, to see everything in absolutes. But it's great to have him home.

It's a girl!

2009-10-09T07:31:00.003-04:00

We got our soldier, and it's a girl! Her name is Whitney. She's 20 years old (same age as Matt), on her first tour in Iraq. She hails from from Pennsylvania, and this is her first time away from home.

I sent her a note last night when I received her info, and I found a response this morning. She sounds great -- fun and chatty (in other words very well suited for us.)

She has what sounds like nearly unlimited Internet access, so there will be a lot of back and forth. But we'll also send real letters, and I think it's interesting that in this era of technology and digitization few things are as desirable and coveted as actual letters.

We'll also send care packages, once we know what kinds of things she wants and needs. What a perfect project for Liv -- shopping, even if it's just for the mundane. Nick is at the post office at least once a week, so it'll be easy for us to send things (once I figure out the customs forms.)

Very psyched. Liv joined a club at school yesterday fully devoted to community service and she's going to suggest this program as one of the activities the kids could support.

Rethinking my thinking about the military

2009-10-07T17:05:00.006-04:00

For reasons that aren't germane to this post, I've been spending a lot of time with the military. I've met recruits and prospective recruits, NCOs and officers, listened to majors and generals. I've visited military facilities. And it's changing how I've always thought about the military.

In truth, I never thought much about our armed forces. Except for a few tangential relationships, I don't come from a military family. I came of age in the '70s, a time when the military was held in particularly low repute. The films that shaped my thinking -- like MASH, like Catch-22 -- portrayed the armed forces are blundering, inefficient, ineffective bureaucracies. It was the time of that tired joke that "military intelligence" was an oxymoron (was that George Carlin?)I was too young to understand Vietnam, but I picked up the general cynicism and sense of failure. No one I knew joined, and I gave little thought to those who did, save a dismissive sense that they had no alternatives and no ideas.

All that has changed. Getting inside and actually hearing and seeing the military has thoroughly changed my impressions -- of the institution, of the members. It's tricky to anthropomorphize an institution, but I will. I now think of the military as smart, focused and humane. I'm impressed by the people and their heads and heart: their intellect and broad-mindedness, their caring and their humanity. The kids who join know what they're doing, and even if they don't the process ensures that they do.

They're not perfect; no one is. The Pat Tillman story is tragic (all the more so for the administration's manipulation and politicization of the event). Abu Ghraib was a nightmare (though that too is shot through with administration decisions and deceit.) But it is a living, breathing learning organization that changes as needs change. And the people in it are filled with passion and purpose.

But my new appreciation is an impotent thing -- it accomplishes nothing. So I'm going to do something, and I was inspired yesterday by a woman I sat next to at a lunch. She told me about an adopt-a-soldier program that she got involved with a few months ago.

The program matches soldiers who've opted in with individuals who want to help -- via letters, emails, care packages. She is swept up by it, so much so that she carries photos of her soldier and his family. When I saw the photos I was moved to tears.

I love the idea; it lets me help by doing more than just write a check. I'll get Liv involved (she loves to shop, so shopping for care packages is right up her alley.) Nick will help, and he loves the idea. She's sending me the link later, so in the next few days I'll log on, sign up and jump in (which seems an interesting way to upend the old Timothy Leary "turn on, tune in, drop out" and particularly well-suited for this endeavor. I never connected to the '60's and its ethos anyway. More about that in another post.)

Go army.

Glenn Beck -- the beginnings of truth

2009-10-03T09:26:00.000-04:00

Finally.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/02/internet-finally-discover_n_307972.html